Unexpected

When I walked through the door to the clinic with Catch this afternoon, I thought I knew what to expect.

Mid-cycle ultrasound.  Either the clomid did what it was supposed to do, or it didn't.  Pants off, wand in, check out the innards, and head home.

It started out well enough.  My uterus is apparently gorgeous.  

My ovaries, however… not so much.

Preliminary diagnosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).

There appears to be one follicle that's ready to do its thing this cycle, but we can't be absolutely certain that a) it's not a cyst, and b) there's actually an egg in there. At CD 12, it measured 14 mm.  It was explained to me today that follicles are considered mature at 20 mm and that they grow about 2 mm per day.  That puts me on track to ovulate on Friday, which is well within the clomid window of success.  

IF it happens.

My instructions are to continue testing like normal.  With any luck, I'll get a positive on Thursday and we'll inseminate on Friday morning.  Otherwise, she wants me back for a follow-up ultrasound on Friday.

I really didn't see this coming.  I have a few of the symptoms of PCOS, but nothing major.  My reading says it's caused by a hormonal imbalance, but we checked all of those last month and my doctor said everything looked perfectly normal.  Still, I saw my cyst-laden ovaries with my own two eyes, so there's no denying that it's an issue.

I will probably call my wonderful gynecologist tomorrow to see if this is something we can discuss.  The ulrasound was done at a fertility clinic by a nurse practitioner, so I think it warrants a conversation with my regular doctor.

In the meantime, we consulted doctor google on foods that help promote healthy eggs.  Our kitchen is now stocked with broccoli, kale, sesame seeds (?), berries, pumpkin seeds (in the form of pumpkins we intend to carve and roast the seeds from), and ginger. Fortunately, they're all things I love.  I've already cut out alcohol and I have my caffeine intake down to one cup of coffee a day (although some days I do without), so now I get to work on my issues with sugar.  The week of Halloween.  Fantastic.  

I won't lie–I'm pretty devastated. Trying to get pregnant without a male partner is hard enough all on its own without adding complications.  PCOS makes this about a hundred times more complicated than I ever imagined it would be. What I really want to do is put my head down somewhere and cry until I can't anymore, but I'm not letting myself go there.  I'm trying to stay busy and distracted.  I did okay tonight until we crawled into bed and turned out the lights.  I wish I had an off switch for my brain.

This is going to be a long week.