Little Ones

I had some family visiting from out of state over the
weekend. I’m going to be honest and tell
you that I wasn’t much looking forward to it. 
I was nervous. My cousin who’s
the same age as me was coming down with her 3 ½ year old daughter, and I had
this idea in my head that I was going to be TERRIBLE with the kid and it was
going to make me even more anxious about our family planning. 

We don’t have many kids in our lives. We both come from large families where we are
the oldest on at least one of the two sides (I have 21 first cousins and I can’t
even count Catch’s), but we’ve reached that stage where even our youngest
cousins are into double-digit ages. None
of our friends have kids. None of our
siblings have kids. (Mine better not
even be THINKING about it because they are WAY too young.) It’s rare that we have an opportunity to spend
any time with little ones, and I’ve found that even when we do have a little
one around, Catch is FAR better with them than I am.

My trepidation is odd to me. 
I started babysitting when I was 13 years old, and continued until I was
probably 19. It was my source of income
through my teen years—and I loved it. 
Not to mention that there is a big enough age gap between me and my
siblings that I have always been more of an aunt than a sister. I should be totally comfortable around kids—and
it’s probably all in my head that I’m not.

All of that is why I decided I was going to win over this 3 ½
year old if it’s the last thing I do. 
Our plan was to meet up with them at Disneyland the first day of their
visit. We arrived at the park, and I
tortured Catch for a few minutes as I went from shop to shop to find the perfect
toy for our first meeting—something that would help with boredom in lines, but
wouldn’t drive her mother too crazy. Win
them over with presents, right?

I ended up picking out a bubble gun, and let me tell you—it was
a hit. She LOOOOVED it. 

A few hours after the successful deployment of Operation
Bubble Gun, the 8 of us were standing in line waiting for Mr. Toad’s Wild
Ride. As we approached the front of the
line, my uncle and cousin asked her which of them she wanted to ride with and
she said (and I quote), “No—I want to ride with HER.” Is it stupid that I felt like I’d won a

My absolute favorite part of the day was when we were
waiting in line for Pirates of the Caribbean and she reached up and took my

And that was just Disneyland. I had so much fun with that little munchkin. I feel infinitely better now—although I wish
she didn’t live so far away!

Happiness is…

…When you miss ovulation because the damn tests were confusing and the clinic wasn’t clear and you now have to wait ANOTHER MONTH to inseminate and you’re frustrated and sad…

…and then your wife sends you flowers at work to cheer you up and you take a moment to remember how freaking lucky you are despite the insanity.

Happiness is...

The Bright Side

I am taking pleasure in the little things today—like the fact that this line is getting darker. (It is, right?)

My mom’s birthday is on Saturday. Catch thinks it’s weird to hope that we inseminate on my mom’s birthday, but I kinda feel like it would be cool. My mom is our biggest cheerleader in this process— and can’t you just see how uncomfortable it would make a teenager when we’re sitting around telling the story of how they were conceived on their grandmother’s birthday?


The Bright Side

Far, Far Away

Early last week, I begged Catch for a camping trip.  I was desperate to get away and nature never fails to ground me in a way that nothing else can.  Something about the fresh air, dirty hands and smoky campfire transforms me into a significantly better version of myself. 

On Friday morning, we dropped the monster dogs off at my mom’s house, stopped for ice and firewood and hit the road.  Temperatures last weekend in town reached 110+ and I wasn’t having any of that. Instead, we headed up, up, up into the mountains, not stopping until we were surrounded by shade, pine trees, and a 75 degree mountain breeze.

Photo 1

We arrived at our campground and found it empty.  As in, we were the only people there.  If you have any experience camping—especially in Southern California—you will appreciate the rarity of that.  In fact, I can say with certainty that it has NEVER happened before in all my years of camping.  And I was conceived on a camping trip, so that’s saying something.

Aside from setting up camp and doing a bit of exploring, we did absolutely nothing all weekend.  Chairs were set up in the shade, feet were propped up on rocks and books were read.  Occasionally, we paused to draw silly pictures with Crayola markers or to play a game. It was a few solid days of total relaxation.

Photo 2

Photo 4

Boy, did I need that.

It’s also worth mentioning that this was my first sober camping trip since before I was old enough to drink and I still had a great time.  Go figure. 

I started charting my temps again this cycle and started peeing on sticks again on Friday.  By my guesstimation if this cycle is anywhere near normal (for me), ovulation should be sometime right around my mom’s birthday on July 13th.

It’s gonna be a good month.  I can feel it.