I’d tell you that I’m ready to tear my hair out, except it’s already falling out in epic proportions, so there’d really be no point to me ripping it out myself. Instead, I’ll just say that the holidays are going to be the death of me. So is teething, and/or whatever leap she’s currently going through. I am at my wit’s end.
Also, I have thrush. If you have never experienced thrush before, I would like to encourage you to try nursing a group of fire-breathing, fang-bearing baby dragons. That’s how thrush feels. When Charlotte latched for the ten thousandth time last night (every 45 minutes?! WTH?!) it hurt so badly that my middle of the night overly tired mama reflexes almost shoved her straight onto the floor. Pumping is slightly less painful. It mostly just feels like there are a bunch of rusty nails inside the flanges of my pump. I am actually relieved to be pumping at work today because rusty nails are totally better than baby dragons, which probably says something about the level of pain I’m experiencing.
On the teething front, I would like to thank all of you who are my Facebook friends (wanna be friends? Just let me know!) who suggested the amber teething necklace. Our families all think Catch and I are a couple of crazy hippies now, but it actually does seem to be taking the edge of things. She had a bit of a fever last night, and usually she turns into Oscar the Grouch but I only noticed this fever because she felt warm.
Sleep is still fifty shades of GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. Before, she would nap contentedly in her swing or her bassinet. Now she will only nap on a warm body. Before, she would sleep contentedly in her rock & play (that she is way too big for and we were desperately trying to get her out of) but now she will only sleep at night if she’s cradled in the crook of my arm like the special little princess she is.
You know it’s bad when you have sworn that you will not co-sleep in your bed and yet you and your spouse find yourselves BEGGING the baby to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF DOG SLEEP IN THE BED. We put her in between us and as she thrashed about we tried every way we could think of to comfort her and assure her that although she is not cradled in the crook of mommy’s arm, mommy is still very much RIGHT FREAKING NEXT TO YOU OMG.
I wish you could see our bedroom right now because baby sleep apparatuses are taking over. My side of the bed now houses both the rock & play and the crib. The crib is basically a great place to store the throw pillows from our bed. The rock & play is just a fantastic thing to kick in the middle of the night, thereby waking up the baby (who I probably spent 20 minutes trying to quietly extricate from my arms so I could pee), both dogs and my wife.
Then, there is Christmas in all its magical, “baby’s first” special-ness. No pressure. We are so broke (hello, NANNY) that we are not exchanging gifts with each other, and all we have for C is a few teething toys and books. Everyone else is mostly getting handmade things that are various stages of incomplete because Charlotte won’t let me put her down after she falls asleep. I have no idea how I’m supposed to make Christmas magic happen when I’m getting 45 minute intervals of sleep and I’m stuck beneath a baby for most of the night—either because I’m nursing her or because she’s asleep.
Motherhood: I’m doing it wrong.
And yes, we know that something has to give on the sleep front, and we are trying. Oh, how we are trying. She is going to start sleeping in that crib before she’s 18 if it’s the last thing I do.
In happier news, she is still the cutest, sweetest little munchkin. She is totally adored by our family and friends. She has no idea how loved she is. Every day becomes more fun as more of her personality shines through. As hard as it is right now, being her mother is still the best thing in the world. Can you imagine how I’d feel about her if I could ditch the dragon-nursing and get a few straight hours of sleep? There would be no end to the gushing!
She had her first Christmas celebration yesterday, and she was seriously just the life of the party.
How cute are these socks? They rattle.
Opening her very first Christmas gift. The look on her face is the best thing ever.
Charlotte and her namesake, my Nana. This picture is so special. I can hardly handle it.
My cousin’s little one pouring tea for Charlotte and Nana. She grabbed that tea pot out of his hand and threw it on the floor as he watched in horror.