Pinch Me

Do you see that? Up in the sky? That flying pig?

Charlotte has slept through the night for five nights. In a row. FIVE.

Miracles happen, people. Pigs are flying, and Charlotte is sleeping through the night.

I don’t expect that this is a permanent development by any means, but it sure has been nice. Five nights in a row of real, solid sleep. She even let us sleep in this weekend, which is just WOW. Who is this child?

Two things are happening as a result of this:

  • The last two nights, I have found myself hoping that she’ll wake up at some point because I miss cuddling with her in the middle of the night. What? No. Yes? Maybe? Sigh.
  • Back pain. I’ve had a bad back for years courtesy of a car accident more than a decade ago, and when I got pregnant, it just sort of vanished. It has remained mostly vanished until these last 5 nights. Apparently between pregnancy’s need for me to get up and pee every few hours and Charlotte’s need to nurse every few hours, I was actually doing my back a favor by getting up and moving throughout the night. Now that I am not getting up, my back freaking hurts. Figures!

The really interesting thing about this is that it’s happening as we’ve relaxed our stance on bedtime. Since Catch has been off, we’ve found ourselves out doing things a lot more, and it’s resulted in some late bedtimes. I used to be such a hard ass about bedtime because I believed it was the only thing saving me from total sleep annihilation but lately, fun just feels more important. We could have rushed home for bedtime after Catch’s softball game on Wednesday night, but then Charlotte would have missed out on running through the sprinklers on the field after the game. We could have rushed home from my mom’s house the other night, but then Charlotte would have missed out on watching the lizards and eating the cupcake(s)… and the bee sting, but oh well—you can’t win ‘em all!

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For now, the fun mom approach is working, and I’m just going to roll with it. It’s probably going to backfire on me once she starts daycare in the fall and she has to be up and out of the house earlier, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. It’s worth it for a few months of the status quo, because the status quo is the most manageable our life has been since we became parents.

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Summer Evenings

This summer feels so different from last summer.

You know what I’ve realized? I never really liked having a baby. I loved my baby–so, so much. But babies just aren’t very fun for me. I absolutely LOVE having an almost-two year old. This is a fantastic age.

My mom lives close to us and has a pool. I know she really expected us to live in her back yard last summer, but it was just too damn hard. Charlotte was under a year old, and there were always too many factors complicating things. Naps, bedtime, sun, heat, feeding… it was just a pain in the ass.

This summer, we’re in much better shape. We invited ourselves over for dinner last night and Charlotte had a blast. I look forward to many summer evenings like this…

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Strawberries

I haven’t been doing my photo posts lately, and I really miss them. Mostly because it forced me to think about my photos. I had to sort through them and maybe do a tiny bit of editing, and I was doing it a bit at a time so I never felt overwhelmed by a full memory card. I want to get back into that habit. I’ve still been taking pictures… not daily, but often enough. I’m going to try to get back on the sharing bandwagon.

We went strawberry picking the weekend before last, and I love these pictures. Charlotte tried to eat every strawberry she saw. Basically, she has a strawberry in her mouth in about 99.9% of the pictures I took that day. I dare you to try to give her a supermarket strawberry, though. She’s no fool. She only wants them straight from the farm/garden. Plastic supermarket containers are not acceptable.

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Oh, Damnit

Huge sigh…

I went to the doctor yesterday.

A few months ago, I started having heart palpitations. They were annoying, but usually pretty fleeting and I ignored them for a while. Over the last few weeks, it reached a point where I couldn’t ignore them anymore. They were happening all the time, but were particularly bad in the evenings and when I was trying to fall asleep. It was incredibly uncomfortable and honestly a bit scary.

My gut was telling me it was anxiety-related. I have been under a tremendous amount of pressure at work and things just aren’t great. It’s really been taking a toll on me mentally and physically. So, off to the doctor I went, prepared for her to send me home with a prescription that would solve all of my problems.

That didn’t happen.

What did happen was a bunch of lab work, an EKG, and a long conversation about some concerns I had about going on an anti-depressant based on some past experience. We went back and forth for a while, and decided that pending the results of the tests, she wants me to spend the next 4 weeks focusing on sleep and exercise to see whether I can get this under control without drugs. We already have a phone consult scheduled for 4 weeks from yesterday.

The technician who did my EKG captured a few of the milder palpitations, so I was glad they could at least see that I wasn’t imagining things.

My thyroid, CBC, electrolytes, and A1C all came back normal (A1C was the very high end of normal—we’ll see what the doctor says about it). My cholesterol result, on the other hand, was out of this universe high. Like, it’s scaring me just thinking about it. Heart disease runs rampant on my mom’s side of the family. My grandfather died of a massive heart attack at 54. My uncle had a quadruple bypass two years ago. My other uncle is diabetic. My mom has been on cholesterol meds for years, and had heart problems last summer.

So basically, I went to the doctor to get my anxiety under control and instead I have even more to be anxious about. My doctor hasn’t yet called to discuss the cholesterol results, but I expect the call is coming sometime today. I will have to force myself to pick up the phone and listen while I hang my head in shame and silently badger myself for letting this happen.

The thing is that I did SO well with diet and exercise when I was trying to get pregnant. I was totally rocking it. I felt amazing. You would think that now that I have this beautiful little girl in my life, the motivation to get back to that place would be strong. Don’t I want to be healthy for her? Don’t I want to set a good example?

I’m just so freaking tired. I love the idea of being motivated much more than the reality. I miss running, and yet I also just really want to sit down at the end of the day after Charlotte goes to bed and be a zombie for a little while.

But apparently, zombies have embarrassingly high cholesterol and short life spans. Someone help me find my running shoes? And maybe throw away the ice cream in the freezer and hide my baking supplies?

As Charlotte said so succinctly last night, oh damnit.

Thirty Six

When I woke up on Friday morning, I was 36. To celebrate, Catch and I kissed the kid goodbye and left her in the care of our nanny while we drove up the coast.

Our first stop was Solvang. I can’t count how many times I’ve been in that little town, and every time I’m there we drive by an ostrich farm where you can feed the ostriches. I have always wanted to stop there. As we drove, Catch said, “Do you wanna go feed the ostriches?” And that is how we ended up here, feeding a bunch of crazed ostriches and emus from a dog bowl attached to a dustpan:

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I will be totally content to never do that again. Not because it was a bad experience or anything… I just think I’m probably good for at least another 36 years now. Ostriches and emus are pretty creepy.

In town, we bought danishes to take home, I ate my fill of aebelskivers with raspberry sauce, and we picked up a sandwich to share later in the day.

From there, we hit up Foxen Winery (our favorite!), for a tasting. It’s worth noting that Foxen has two tasting rooms that each pour different wines, so you actually do two full tastings there. That’s a lot of wine for someone who hasn’t been tasting in 3 years, but it was worth it. It was amazing!

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We sat out on their patio with the winery kitties and ate our sandwich after we finished our tastings. It was a beautiful day and it felt so good to be in one of our favorite places again. I have missed it. (My checking account, on the other hand, has definitely NOT missed it.) Sitting outside at Foxen on a sunny day felt like a quintessential “us” thing to do. We needed that. I needed it.

We left wine country and headed toward home, but I convinced Catch to stop at our favorite beach on the way. As we walked, we saw dolphins and a sea lion playing out in the water. It was really a spectacular afternoon. I’m so glad we stopped!

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We made it home just in time to tuck Charlotte in and kiss her goodnight. From there, I collapsed into an exhausted, grateful, 36 year old heap on the couch.

Another birthday for the books.