Hoping

My mother taught me that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

That's why I haven't bothered writing lately.  I have absolutely nothing nice to say. All I want to do is whine and complain and curse my biology. I want to bitch about well meaning friends who say all the wrong things over margaritas. I want to blather about my lack of energy and how our house is total chaos because I don't have the motivation to do anything about it. 

But I'm hoping things might be turning around.  The bleeding stopped on Friday.  Day 29.  5 minutes short of us buying stock in Tampax.  

Today, I got two positive OPKs. The first ever.

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We're not inseminating this cycle because things were so wonky that I feel like we'd be throwing money away, so now we wait until my next cycle starts. On Day 1, I will call the clinic and let them know we're on.  On Day 3, I will go for blood work.  From that point on, we cross our fingers and hope like hell my body behaves. Please, please please let my body behave. Please let September be a good month.

Road Trip – In a Nutshell

I could write a book about our recent road trip.  Having a July anniversary has given us an excuse for some fantastic summer vacations. This wasn't an Alaskan cruise, but it was still a fantastic way to mark the 5 year anniversary of our (real) wedding (also the 8 year anniversary of our first date.)

We left on Friday afternoon and made it all the way from California, through Nevada, a snippet of Arizona and into Richfield Utah that night.  We had a less than mediocre anniversary dinner at an Applebee's in some random little town in Utah around 9 pm. Oddly enough, it's not the first time we've had a less than mediocre anniversary dinner at Applebee's in some random little town off a highway around 9 pm.  

After day 1, things improved dramatically and we found ourselves here:

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(Spotted Wolf Canyon, Utah)

And then finally, here–my sister in law's ranch house near Fort Collins, CO:

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This guy's name is Phil.  He cracke me up.  If 80s hair bands were comprised of chickens, Phil would have found his calling for sure.

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I love it there because I get to dote on the horses… it's all my little girl fantasises come true!

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We left Fort Collins a few days later and headed through Wyoming and into Hill City South Dakota.  

We saw the Crazy Horse Monument

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Mount Rushmore 

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We rode the "1880s Train" (pretty self explanatory)

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Saw a gazillion deer everywhere we went

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Had a few drinks…

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Visited Sturgis just a few days shy of Bike Week (I didn't feel out of place AT ALL)

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And finally, hit the road again toward home, stopping along the way in…

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For a night of camping here:

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Under these:

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I'd say we have a knack for taking some pretty fantastic trips.  

 

Turn That Frown Upside Down

Fortunately, my doctor made me feel immensely better yesterday because a) I am still bleeding, and b) Catch would surely kill me if my mood stayed where it was. I believe it was lingering somewhere near the South Pole.

According to my REAL doctor and not Dr. Google, M.D., the bleeding is nothing to be overly concerned about and is likely a result of a previous anovulatory cycle. She said she COULD stop it with progesterone, but since she knows we’re trying, she opted to let it run its course so as not to mess with my system any more than we need to. If I’m still bleeding in 2 weeks, she said we’ll revisit that. In the meantime, I ride it out and go in on day 3 of my NEXT cycle for a gamut of bloodwork which will now be covered by my insurance since it falls under the code, “ridiculously prolonged and inconvenient unexplained bleeding” rather than “fertility.”

In regards to my lack of ovulation, I was told “If you have to have a problem with infertility, that’s the one to have.” She seemed confident that it wasn’t going to be a major issue, and that we’ll throw drugs at it and all will be well. Fingers crossed that she’s right.

So, back to the waiting game. Yay.

For a bit of perspective, one of my friends told me at lunch today that she has a friend who’s been actively trying to get pregnant for 7 years. Holy hell. Poor woman.

Catch has a surprise up her sleeve for tonight, and I am once again reminded that I need to sit back and appreciate how lucky I am.

Period watch – day 13

Still there. Oh joy.

I scheduled an appointment with my gynocologist for tomorrow afternoon. A friend of mine recently recently went through three weeks of bleeding and she has assured me that based on her experience, I will be poked and prodded to the nth degree.

In the meantime, I am going to attempt to relieve my intense (hormonal and situational) desire to lock myself in my car and sob uncontrollably by having bacon for dinner. If bacon can’t solve my problems, nothing can.

Kidding.

Sort of.

Defeat

I’m feeling pretty defeated this morning.

I’ve had my period since July 26th. That’s 12 days. I never even bothered to call the clinic to
tell them that this cycle is on because a 12-day period makes me think it’s
probably not. I’ve never had one last
this long before in the history of my uterus. 

Then, I come in to the office to find out that one of my
work friends is pregnant. 

Even worse, she’s the one who’s usually here early with me
and she always makes the coffee so that by the time I arrive, there’s a fresh
pot waiting. Now the smell of coffee is
making her sick, so I don’t even get to capitalize on her coffee making skills
anymore. 

Anyway, I meant for this post to be all about the amazing
road trip we just returned from—we covered parts of California, Arizona,
Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Wyoming and South Dakota—but I’m not really feeling the
post-vacation glow this morning. More like post vacation gloom.

Yesterday at Coffee Bean, my horoscope popped up on their
little screen thingy:

Something you want
more is coming, so pinch those pennies and avoid those big purchases.

Back to the waiting game, I suppose.