When we brought Twix home as a puppy 12 years ago, I had no idea what we were in for. I’d never had a puppy before. I was so excited to have this chance to bond with a dog from puppyhood. I was sure it was going to be monumental.
It was monumental. Monumentally disastrous.
That little dog did so much damage. Nothing was safe. We were sleep deprived and constantly on alert lest the puppy discover another stash of our roommate’s weed. It was exhausting.
Back then, I swore that if having a puppy was anything even remotely like having a baby, we were never going to have kids.
The thing is that 10+ years take their toll on both your factual memory and your emotional memory. I look at Twix now and man–I love this dog like I never thought I could love a dog. She is my pal. All of that trouble was SO worth it. It was worth every chewed shoe, lost rental deposit and disappearing dinner plate.
After Rolo died, we discussed what would come next. Twix hates puppies, and we knew we couldn’t bring a puppy into our lives while Twix was with us. Still, we really wanted Charlotte to have the opportunity to bond with a puppy like we did with Twix. We decided that we’d get a puppy when Twix dies. (Um… never, right?)
In the meantime, my parents came home with Penny–the cutest ball of golden retriever fluff you’ve ever seen. We swooned. Oh, how we swooned. I mean really, baby animals are pretty much the cutest things ever.
Then, we moved in with my parents for our bathroom remodel. We’ve now spent about 2.5 weeks with a 4-month old puppy and I’d like to share what I’ve learned:
- Puppies and 2.5 year olds do not mix.
- Take your typical two year old tantrums and amplify them by 100 because the puppy is chewing on their toy/food/diaper/sock/book/ponytail/etc.
- Now factor in that the growing puppy has no concept that she weighs almost as much as the toddler and knocks her down every 10 seconds causing more screaming and hysterics. “Penny pushed me over! WAHHHHHHH!!!!!“
- Charlotte talks in her sleep pretty regularly. Sometime around 4 this morning, she yelled, “No, Penny don’t take that it’s miiiiiiiine!” Puppy thievery has even invaded the poor kids dreams.
- Puppies are annoying as hell.
- I do not have the patience for the antics of both a puppy and a small child.
- I do not want another puppy.
- Even my parents regret getting this puppy. (Don’t get me wrong–they love her–they just haven’t had a puppy in 40 years, so you know… they forgot. She’s a lot for them.)
- Puppies basically kind of suck.
- They’re still cute though.
I absolutely cannot wait to return to my puppy-free home. I will thoroughly enjoy visiting the puppy. I just don’t want to live with her anymore.
So, if you’re contemplating adding a puppy to your life, consider what My Perfect Breakdown has been going through and then factor in my little list. Do you value your sanity? Can you handle listening to your child whine about the puppy every 30 seconds for the next 6 months?
If you need something fuzzy and warm to cuddle with, wrap a teddy bear in an electric blanket. It’s a much better option.