Beta #2

Just to refresh your memory, beta #1 was 617 at 11dp5dt.

Beta #2 is 2498 at 13dp5dt.

That’s a doubling time of 23.79 hours, which seems a bit high?  No?

So that’s good news. Right?

The bad news is that despite my 3x a day suppositories and every 3rd day injection of PIO, my progesterone is only 8.5.  No bueno.  That’s scary low.

So, to deal with that, we’re increasing injections to once a day, and I’m still doing the suppositories 3x a day.  Repeat blood work on Friday morning.  First scan a week from today.

My nurse said not to freak out because sometimes the body just doesn’t like the suppositories.  Her exact words, “The injection will do the job, trust me.”  I really have no choice but to trust her.

Now please fall all over yourselves telling me that it’s going to be okay.

Killing Time

I am trying to kill some time while I sit here waiting for the results of Beta #2. Let me tell you a little bit about my day so far:

  1. First thing this morning, I got to pay $250 for the pleasure of having my lab work done.
  2. Second thing this morning, I got to pay another $250 for a one month supply of progesterone.
  3. We are attending a wedding on Saturday night. I bought a black dress with a few gold sequins on it—just enough to give it some sparkle. I figured it’s perfect because it can double as my dress for my company’s holiday party next month. Then I learned that the wedding is actually at noon. I cannot wear a black dress with gold sequins to a noon wedding. I really need to find another dress, except—see items 1 & 2 above—it’s not really the best time for shopping. Sigh. How do I have no fall/winter daytime dresses? Everything that fits since I lost weight is a spring/summer dress or an evening dress. Damn it. The last fall wedding I attended was my own, and I certainly can’t wear that
  4. I don’t think this blog post is going to kill the next 4 hours of my beta wait. Disappointing.
  5. I feel absolutely fine. No pregnancy symptoms beyond the very mild cramps I’ve had intermittently for the past week(ish). No sore boobs. No nausea. I’m not even peeing more than usual. I wish I could just sit here and appreciate that I feel perfectly fine instead of questioning whether it means something. I suspect that I’ll feel better once the vampires give me a status on that blood.
  6. That said, I’m a tiny bit anxious about today’s beta, but nowhere near the level of anxious that I was on Monday. For the first time in a very long time, I have a feeling that everything is going to be okay. When have you ever heard me say that? (I am knocking on SO MUCH wood right now.  So much.)
  7. I am completely ashamed of how many pictures of pregnancy tests I have on my cell phone. I haven’t taken one since Monday, but man… if someone were to pick up my phone and start flipping through photos, they would think I need psychiatric help. They might not be wrong, actually.  I can’t seem to bring myself to delete them.  Help.

I hope you’re all having a wonderful day. I cannot thank you enough for your well wishes and support. Your comments have a way of calming me down when no one else can. Maybe because I know that you know. I am sending abundant wishes for patience, endurance, and peace to all of you.


Our beta at 11dp5dt is…


I am happy and relieved and excited and a bit terrified and I feel like I’m going to throw up.  I can’t even think of what else to say.  Just–wow.

Bring on the beta

We are ready!


I am also ready for the day that I can sleep past 3 am and not be riddled with anxiety!

I had some more spotting on Friday, but I’m really convinced it’s from the progesterone suppositories. During the day I’m using dry powder capsules, and the powder doesn’t dissolve well. It’s probably just irritating my cervix. It’s really been just the tiniest bit of blood, and both times I noticed it a few hours after popping in my 2 pm pill. I am trying to be extra gentle with the damn things. If it happens again, I’ll ask to switch to oil. I hate the PIO injections, but not nearly as much as I hate seeing blood on the toilet paper.

That aside, I’m feeling pretty good. Tired (see 3 am) but really hopeful and excited! I will fill you all in on our beta results tomorrow, but I won’t get the results until sometime after 4 pm west coast time.

Happy Sunday!

The Daily Pee Stick


It’s so much darker today.  I’m going to try to just enjoy this one.  Worrying is eating me alive and I haven’t slept more than 4 hours once this week.  I need to channel my inner Disney princess and LET IT GO.

No matter what happens next week or the following weeks, right now, I am pregnant.  I’m so shocked, it’s almost like we didn’t even plan the hell out of this.

I am pregnant. Holy shit.

One Week

It’s officially been a week since we transferred our two blasts. So far, they’re behaving more like teenage girls than bundles of cells—all drama, all the time! They are microscopic, and yet they are already testing my patience.

Here’s where we stand:

Yesterday’s spotting seems to have stopped. It was reasonably light, but it was definitely there. Sort of pinky-red. It was really hard to say color-wise since it was mixed with so much of the white powder from progesterone suppositories. It definitely wasn’t brown, which I probably would have felt much better about. I’m hopeful that it has stopped for the time being, but still terrified that it was there. It’s entirely possible that my poor cervix is irritated from all of these powdery progesterone capsules. Or it could be something else.

I also have cramps. Mostly dull ones, but since yesterday I keep feeling a sharp pain on my left side in my ovary region, which sort of terrifies me. It comes in short bursts like a stabbing feeling, and then it stops and it won’t happen again for hours. I didn’t think much of it at first, but it really hurt for a few minutes when I was driving home from work yesterday and then I got home and discovered the spotting. It could be related, or it could not be related. Only time will tell. I am trying very hard not to think about the words chemical and ectopic.

The silver lining:

When I compare the photos of tests from the last 3 days, there is a difference. We definitely have something going on in there.


Do you ever just feel like you know too much? I think if I was an average person who just got a positive on a pregnancy test, none of the bad stuff would ever even occur to me.  I kind of resent that in a way.

There was no offer of an earlier beta from our nurse yesterday or this morning, so we have to tough it out until Monday. I’ve decided not to push it because deep down, I know that a single beta isn’t going to make me feel any better. I won’t have any relief until we get our second set of numbers, and even if I went in on Friday for round 1, I’d still have to wait through the weekend for round 2. Either way, it’s going to be an anxiety-filled weekend, so I may as well just hang tight and keep peeing on things.

In the meantime, if anyone could help me find my brain’s “off” switch, that would be great. I would sure love to get more than 4 hours of sleep sometime soon.

Spotting. Because sure. Why not?

Just as I was making peace with our little lines, I got home from work and started spotting.

What fun would the two week wait be without a bit of drama, eh? In the exact words of our clinic nurse, “Ekkkk.”

She said spotting could be normal, and that we’ll just have to wait and see. Nothing I didn’t already know. She recommended that I stay hydrated and keep off my feet as much as possible. Beyond that, I hold my breath and pray to every atom in the universe.

Let the Crazy Begin – 6dp5dt

The lines are still there this morning, but they aren’t any darker than yesterday morning. I can’t even pretend.


I’m a little (ok, a lot) nervous. They’re so faint. I was really hoping for something a bit less squinty this morning.

I know only time will tell, and time really sucks right now.


I woke up at 3 am and had to pee like crazy. I didn’t test because I was really hoping to get back to sleep and I knew I’d never sleep if I tested.

2.5 hours later, it was time to get up. I debated whether to test or not. In the end, I threw caution to the wind and peed on that stick.

I had to enhance the picture a bit, but if you look closely… We have a line. We totally have a line. We don’t even have to squint to see it in person!



I am a complete basket case today.

Before we went to bed last night, I lounged on the couch with Catch lamenting my complete lack of symptoms. No cramps. No twinges. No sore boobs. Nothing.

I tossed and turned forever last night. I don’t know when I finally drifted off, but I woke up at 2 am needing to pee and then proceeded to toss and turn for another eternity. Sometime in that eternity, I started feeling lots of uncomfortable tightness in the region of my uterus. I got very hopeful. I convinced myself that it’s totally going to work. Unfortunately, now that I am officially alert, I am fairly certain I dreamed it all because there was also a strange bit about hanging out with someone who was unconscious after a head injury and really wanting to take a pregnancy test, but not having any with me.

The night before, I had a dream about a sea turtle. I woke up convinced that a seat turtle must be some great symbol of fertility, but alas… not so. Apparently, “To see a sea turtle in your dream indicates that you are cautious when it comes to expressing your emotions. You may also be a little emotionally sheltered.”


It’s safe to say that my bizarre progesterone dreams are kicking in.

This is going to be a really, really long week. Beta is still a very full, very painful week away. I am back at work today, and while part of me misses my little nest of blankets on the couch where I felt like our embryos were safe and warm, part of me is also hoping for some distraction.

Please, please, please let this work.