Space (I need Some)

Charlotte’s school closes for two weeks between the end of summer camp and the beginning of “school.” I mean, this is preschool, so it seems a bit ridiculous, but whatever. It gives the teachers a break and gives the school a chance to do some uninterrupted maintenance and repairs. (Last year, the break involved some major parking lot work, a new entry gate and all new flooring–I guess I can suck it up and give them 2 weeks for that.)

Anyway, point being that I knew I had these two weeks on my own with the kiddo and I was really looking forward to it. I had planned to take her all over the place. The beach, the Getty, the Skirball has a Jim Henson exhibit, the zoo… you name it and we were going to do it.

The last day of school before break, I was at a funeral and my dad picked up the kiddo. He was informed that she has a cough. The cough turned into a fever, and we made a trip to the pediatrician. Blazing ear infection. (“Ow wow–yeah, there’s a lot of pus in there.”) Suspected pneumonia. (Crackling in her chest–we didn’t confirm with x-rays because the doc said the antibiotics would be the same as for the ear infection, so we’d just go ahead and kill 2 birds with one stone.) We headed home to drug her and get her some rest. I expected we’d spend the week at home and still be able to have some fun this week.


Saturday was my nana’s funeral (2 funerals in 1 week–it’s been a long month.) She seemed fine. The fever was down. The cough was improving. Still, it was a long, nap-less day. Probably too much for her.

Cut to the 103.5 fever and the second trip to the pediatrician. This time we even did the chest x-rays because the doctor said she didn’t like the way Charlotte’s breathing sounded. We left with clear x-rays, a nebulizer and instructions that if she still has the fever on Friday, we need to come back.

Now we’ve spent another week (mostly) at home. We’re both going stir crazy.

Charlotte is still not herself. The fever comes and goes–it’s really weird. She is pale with dark circles around her eyes. She hasn’t been eating, and all of a sudden she’s so skinny. I am shoving her favorite foods at her at every turn, but it’s still been hit or miss.

Basically, I’ve spent the last 2 weeks with a whiny, grouchy, clingy 3 year old attached to me. I am so over it. She wants nothing to do with anyone but me. It’s causing all kinds of tension and hurt feelings. It’s just out of control. I am sick to death of being the preferred parent and Catch is beside herself that she isn’t the preferred parent. I have spent MAYBE 6 total hours in my own bed since all of this started. I miss my bed. I miss my wife. I miss having ANY time to myself. (Miraculously, I got her to nap and was able to sneak out today–usually I’m stuck there with her and if I try to move she wakes and screams, “SNUGGLE ME!!!!”)

In the midst of all of this, I have applied and been accepted into a communications program, submitted all of the financial aid paperwork, met with an academic advisor, and registered for the classes that start next week. I also managed to put together a 15 minute video slideshow for my nana’s service.

I really need a break. A night away with my wife. A bottle of wine. Adult conversation. A chance to deal with moving my old 401k into an IRA. This kid needs to get healthy FAST. Big Mama is done.




5 thoughts on “Space (I need Some)

  1. Ugh… Motherhood really can kick you in the ass sometimes. Hope Charlotte feels better REALLY soon and that you get that alone time/wife time/wine time that you need!

  2. First of all, I really LOVE that you are Big Mama. Also, I hope Charlotte feels better so you can get some breathing room soon. Not that I imagine she’ll just hand it over but that you’ll feel less bad about taking it. Fingers crossed!

  3. Hang in there, mama. You’re doing everything you can with everything you have. If no one has told you today- you’re killing this parenthood thing, even if you’re exhausted. You’re a good mama. Hope you and your wife are able to get some snuggles and a glass of wine in soon. ♥️

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