Thoughts on Puppies

When we brought Twix home as a puppy 12 years ago, I had no idea what we were in for. I’d never had a puppy before. I was so excited to have this chance to bond with a dog from puppyhood. I was sure it was going to be monumental.

It was monumental. Monumentally disastrous.

That little dog did so much damage. Nothing was safe. We were sleep deprived and constantly on alert lest the puppy discover another stash of our roommate’s weed. It was exhausting.

Back then, I swore that if having a puppy was anything even remotely like having a baby, we were never going to have kids.




The thing is that 10+ years take their toll on both your factual memory and your emotional memory. I look at Twix now and man–I love this dog like I never thought I could love a dog. She is my pal. All of that trouble was SO worth it. It was worth every chewed shoe, lost rental deposit and disappearing dinner plate.

After Rolo died, we discussed what would come next. Twix hates puppies, and we knew we couldn’t bring a puppy into our lives while Twix was with us. Still, we really wanted Charlotte to have the opportunity to bond with a puppy like we did with Twix. We decided that we’d get a puppy when Twix dies. (Um… never, right?)

In the meantime, my parents came home with Penny–the cutest ball of golden retriever fluff you’ve ever seen. We swooned. Oh, how we swooned. I mean really, baby animals are pretty much the cutest things ever.

Then, we moved in with my parents for our bathroom remodel. We’ve now spent about 2.5 weeks with a 4-month old puppy and I’d like to share what I’ve learned:

  1. Puppies and 2.5 year olds do not mix.
  2. Take your typical two year old tantrums and amplify them by 100 because the puppy is chewing on their toy/food/diaper/sock/book/ponytail/etc.
  3. Now factor in that the growing puppy has no concept that she weighs almost as much as the toddler and knocks her down every 10 seconds causing more screaming and hysterics. “Penny pushed me over! WAHHHHHHH!!!!!
  4. Charlotte talks in her sleep pretty regularly. Sometime around 4 this morning, she yelled, “No, Penny don’t take that it’s miiiiiiiine!” Puppy thievery has even invaded the poor kids dreams.
  5. Puppies are annoying as hell.
  6. I do not have the patience for the antics of both a puppy and a small child.
  7. I do not want another puppy.
  8. Even my parents regret getting this puppy. (Don’t get me wrong–they love her–they just haven’t had a puppy in 40 years, so you know… they forgot. She’s a lot for them.)
  9. Puppies basically kind of suck.
  10. They’re still cute though.

I absolutely cannot wait to return to my puppy-free home. I will thoroughly enjoy visiting the puppy. I just don’t want to live with her anymore.

So, if you’re contemplating adding a puppy to your life, consider what My Perfect Breakdown has been going through and then factor in my little list. Do you value your sanity? Can you handle listening to your child whine about the puppy every 30 seconds for the next 6 months?

If you need something fuzzy and warm to cuddle with, wrap a teddy bear in an electric blanket. It’s a much better option.

Photo on 4-17-18 at 12.45 PM


9 thoughts on “Thoughts on Puppies

  1. Oh my gosh, I needed this laugh today. So first thank you.
    Second, we will never get a puppy again. NEVER. I pushed so hard for our puppy, so, so, so hard. My husband finally caved and agreed to get one. IT IS BY FAR THE BIGGEST REGRET/MISTAKE WE COULD HAVE MADE IN OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW.
    Puppies are insane. They make our 2 year old look like a genius. We now spend almost all our time keeping them separate to avoid scratches, nips and licks (to be fair the 2 year old think it’s hilarious to open his mouth and let the dog lick his tongue, and he would love us to let this behavior to continue). Don’t even get me started on the constant barking problem that we now live with day in and day out.
    8 years ago when we got our first puppy, we were a lot more tolerate of her puppy antics. Now with a human child in the picture, we simply don’t have the patience required for a puppy that we should have, and we are constantly having to remind ourselves that she’s just a puppy.
    Honestly, absolutely nothing about the reality of having a puppy and a 2 year old equates to the lovely family moments I imagined. Maybe in 2 years I’ll get those. But surviving the next 2 years is going to take every ounce of our patience and tolerance. And now some very large puppy training bills, as she is being sent to training twice a week for 4 hours each time. We don’t have the time or patience to train her ourselves.

    • Also, for the record, puppies lick, nip, scratch, chew on furniture, eat shoes, pee in the house, run around like crazy things, bark obsessively and even sleep the odd time. But they most definitely do not snuggle. My incredibly active human toddler snuggles better then my puppy.

    • Soooo much yes. Definitely no dog under 2. I feel like 4-6 is a sweet spot for healthy and active but not overactive. We just applied with the basset rescue for a 10 year old if that tells you anything about how anti-puppy I am!!!

  2. I decided ages ago that if we were ever at a secure space to adopt a dog, it was going to be an older/senior dog. they often get passes over in shelter situations or put dog due to just their age and nothing else…. and yeah. puppies are a level of crazy that i know i can’t handle. 😂

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