Let it go

I quit my job on Thursday in a blaze of fury. I went into a meeting with my boss and HR and realized as I sat there arguing with my arrogant, sexist boss about his inability to respond to emails that I was Done.

Next month would have been my 18th anniversary with that company. Literally half my life climbing that corporate ladder.

In an effort to deflect my accusation that his unresponsiveness prohibits me from advancing anything requiring a budget or a contract because per company policy, I don’t have the authority to spend a single cent or make any binding decisions without executive-level approval, my boss said, “You’re the director of marketing! Act like a director!” I interjected that I am NOT the director of marketing. He looked to HR and demanded, “That’s her title, isn’t it?!” HR said, “No, it’s not.”

So basically I’ve spent the last few years working for a guy who couldn’t be bothered to notice the title on the signature of every email I’ve ever sent him.

Anyway, the meeting got ugly. It involved a lot of him telling me to stop being defensive and to “get that smirk off your face.”

It was long and intense and we barely even scraped the surface of my issues with that man. When I was done being his personal scapegoat, I left that office, returned to my own, and left a message for the president of the company to call me. He returned my call most immediately, and I laid everything out on the table for him as I threw 18 years of my professional life into boxes. He tried to convince me to stay. He offered to have me report directly to him and to keep the other guy as far away from me as humanly possible. It was tempting, but I held my ground, left my key card on my desk, and walked out of there without hesitation.

So now what?

Well, step one is going to involve giving myself a bit of time and space to breathe and heal. It has been a long, hard year. I need to find my sea legs.

Step two involves going back to school.

I don’t broadcast it, but I never finished my bachelor’s degree. I’ll write more about that another day. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’ve built a life I AM proud of regardless of that missing piece. I just realize that I have an opportunity right now and I’m going to take it.

Step three will be using my hands. I am so much happier when I’m creating, building, or fixing. I’ve spent 18 years sitting at a desk and I’m ready to get off my ass and get dirty.

Step four will be figuring out what comes next. I have time for that. Not unlimited time, but enough time to find what I’ve been missing. Teamwork. Collaboration. Respect.

I feel like I could write forever about the next chapter of my life, but I’ll stop here for tonight. When I closed that door behind me on Thursday, a hundred windows opened and I have some breathing to do now.

20 thoughts on “Let it go

  1. First, I am so proud of you (and you should be proud of yourself too) for standing up for yourself in a situation that was so unbelievably toxic and unhealthy. Go you!

    Second, and I say this as a teacher, don’t feel bad about not finishing your degree. I absolutely hate the narrative that gets pushed that we all need to go get bachelors degrees immediately after high school or at all. Society is literally in the process of collapsing because of that narrative. You don’t need a bachelors unless you absolutely need one, otherwise they’re literally a waste of money. For example, I don’t even use mine anymore. OR the masters I just finished in August (which I just started paying back, and now I really regret going at all). I know I got off on a rant, so sorry. I just hate that this society makes people feel bad for not completing something they may not even need anyway. Don’t feel bad or guilty about the degree. You are awesome and there’s no time or space for that! Haha

    Third, you are a super strong woman who kicks ass and takes names. You rock! That is all.

    • I completely agree with you. I just wish the rest of society would catch up. Not having my degree obviously didn’t prevent me from doing my job well over the years. There are so many opportunities to research and learn the specifics of what you need. I have certificates and designations. I attend conferences. It frustrates me to no end when people see no degree and assume someone isn’t qualified. (Especially someone who’s been doing the job for 10+ years!) I’m still figuring out exactly what I want from a BA. We’ll see where this leads me!

  2. wow what a big day! and probably one of the most significant as what you do next will define the next phase of your life. all the best, and congrats on your courage and doing the right thing!

    • Oh my gosh yes. I was kind of in shock when I pulled out of the parking structure, but I definitely took a moment to feel how monumental that exit was!

  3. Congrats!
    Going back to school and changing careers has been the absolute best thing I’ve done. I didn’t hate my job before kids, but now I love what I do and love my schedule. And I make more money, so that’s a plus.

  4. It is so hard to make big moves like this, even when we know things need to change – good for you for making the leap, it sounds like absolutely the right thing to do. You’re off to great places, up up and away!

  5. Congrats! Do you know what you want to study? I’m excited for you, going back to school was one of the decisions I’ve been most happy about.

  6. Wow…huge changes friend….I have to say, I’m glad I’m finally leaning in in this space again. It’s huge! All the change so happening everywhere, it’s nice tonknow I’m not the only one losing my shit! You’ll find those sea legs…we always do! I support you, friend! The heart just won’t sit anymore…thinking of you!

  7. Pingback: The Final Countdown | Hound Mamas

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s