I’m Gonna Whine for a Minute

We’re having a rough time of it, lately.

I used to think it was great that we waited until we’d been together a while before we had a baby. Charlotte was born 3 days before the 10th anniversary of our first date. That’s a lot of years of just us. It’s a lot of camping trips and happy hours and weekends away and candle lit dinners. (And let’s be honest—a lot of hangovers.)

Now I’m questioning that, because I miss those days—and I know all too well exactly what I’m missing.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Charlotte. I love her with an intensity that I could never have imagined. Being her mother is the greatest gift my life has given me.

But sometimes… Sometimes, I just want to feel like Molly again instead of just feeling like Charlotte’s Mother all the time.

I am tired. Catch is tired. Charlotte is 15 months old and she has never slept through the night. Not once. She’s come close 3 times. I guess that counts for something. So out of the 450+ nights she’s been alive, we’ve had reasonably decent nights 3 times. That’s 0.666666666667%.

And honestly, I manage just fine with that. I do. As long as nothing ELSE comes along to rock the boat, I have found my sleep-deprived groove and it works for me. Except we all know that there’s always going to be something to rock the boat at some point.

Today, for example, we have a raccoon wreaking havoc in our attic, and Catch’s car was broken into (in our driveway) last night. Charlotte is teething, and sleep has been even worse than usual, so we’re both way less equipped to deal with the extra stress than we normally would be.

Catch’s work iPad was in the car, and of course they are expecting that we will pay for the replacement. Fantastic. Her wallet was also in the car (total fluke—her wallet is NEVER in her car) so she’s now without a driver’s license, debit card, credit cards, etc. Everything is below the deductible on our homeowner’s insurance, so there’s no point in filing a claim. And although Catch can show the police EXACTLY where her iPad is (less than a mile from our house) they can’t do a damn thing about it.

We have no idea how much it’s going to cost to deal with the wildlife in the attic, but it’s done some obvious damage, so there will be expenses on top of just getting the damn thing out of there.

Also, our computer died last week, so it’s presently sitting in the Apple Store having its logic board replaced—which we wouldn’t have done right this minute if we had known that all hell was going to break loose in the meantime.

So, we are totally broke. Beyond broke. Goodbye Christmas.

Pre-kid, we had some money to throw around. These things wouldn’t have been fun, but they wouldn’t have caused me to totally freak out, either. Childcare expenses are just insane. And we have a bargain basement nanny (she’s essentially family)! She costs what day care would cost, which is why we could have a nanny to begin with.

And my wife. Man, do I love her. She is the rock of our household. She works so, so hard. She’s the first one up, and she’s out of the house by 6:15 every morning. She has a crazy commute in crazy traffic, and she normally handles it all just fine, but lately life has just pushed her over the edge and she’s not handling it particularly well.

Something’s gotta give. We need a break. And a nap. If life could just slow down, that would be really great.

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16 thoughts on “I’m Gonna Whine for a Minute

  1. Whine away my friend! Seriously, your ongoing list of unfortunate things is definitely whine worthy! (I’d say it’s also wine worthy).
    I’m sorry everything is so rough right now. What i can say is naps somehow help – I just woke up from one and I feel a bit better.
    I so wish I could do more then offer an encouraging word!

  2. I’m sorry things sucks so badly right now. It’s hard when you have so many responsibilities overextending you, and when crappy things add to the pile. I hope it all gets better quickly so that you can breathe again.

  3. Whine away! Parenthood is awesome but HARD. I think it’s normal to miss those pre-kids days. Especially when things are rough. It’s only now that our youngest is almost four that I feel we’ve achieved some modicum of balance. And I’m not working –I’m sure I would not feel the same way if I were. On a slightly positive note, Charlotte is young enough that she’s probably just as happy to play with wrapping paper and boxes as she is to play with toys, so Christmas should still be just as wonderful.

  4. The broke feels? I know them well. We had to pull the old house off the market this week and are about to put it up for rent. We’re hopeful to get a tenant soon, but if we don’t get one until January it’s going to be rough. Really rough. Deplete the savings account rough. And as you know, I had to drop 1K on a new mac this week too, so I feel allllllll that. I’m really sorry about all the other suckage too. It just seems like when one thing goes wrong EVERYTHING ELSE has to go wrong too.

  5. Oh ladies, I’m sorry that this is all going on for you. All at once.
    I have no advice to give, except anything you can do to make life easier or give yourselves a break- do it.
    Don’t worry about Christmas, spending the time together is the most important thing. The gifts and food are secondary
    X

  6. Oh lady, the best of times and the worst of times, huh? Coincidentally, M and I became (foster) parents right after our tenth anniversary too. All I can say is it has helped us endure the smack down fights driven by exhaustion and frustration better than we would have earlier but certainly hasn’t prevented them!

  7. Wow, it rained and poured crap for you lately… I don’t know how you have gotten through for so long with sleep deprivation and I am in awe. If you can make it this far you can certainly make it through this rough time, but I’m sure it will be tough. I hope you can get a break soon.

  8. Ugh! I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, and all at once! I recently opened my own Sleep Consultant business and would love to offer you a week of sleep services for FREE – it is all over email. Check out my website and contact me through the ‘contact me’ button!! I would love to help you, Catch, and Charlotte finally catch some zzzz’s! I hope to hear from you soon!

  9. I hear you so loudly and clearly my ears are ringing. Yes. Yes. A 1000 times yes. I am sorry it’s so hard. If you were even occasionally considering a second, you might want to think again. It’s so fantastic sometimes. And so not other times.

    If misery loves company, MT didn’t sleep through the night except once for almost 3 years. Three years I will never get back. And then Baby A was born months later. Kill me now.

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