We’re having a rough time of it, lately.
I used to think it was great that we waited until we’d been together a while before we had a baby. Charlotte was born 3 days before the 10th anniversary of our first date. That’s a lot of years of just us. It’s a lot of camping trips and happy hours and weekends away and candle lit dinners. (And let’s be honest—a lot of hangovers.)
Now I’m questioning that, because I miss those days—and I know all too well exactly what I’m missing.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Charlotte. I love her with an intensity that I could never have imagined. Being her mother is the greatest gift my life has given me.
But sometimes… Sometimes, I just want to feel like Molly again instead of just feeling like Charlotte’s Mother all the time.
I am tired. Catch is tired. Charlotte is 15 months old and she has never slept through the night. Not once. She’s come close 3 times. I guess that counts for something. So out of the 450+ nights she’s been alive, we’ve had reasonably decent nights 3 times. That’s 0.666666666667%.
And honestly, I manage just fine with that. I do. As long as nothing ELSE comes along to rock the boat, I have found my sleep-deprived groove and it works for me. Except we all know that there’s always going to be something to rock the boat at some point.
Today, for example, we have a raccoon wreaking havoc in our attic, and Catch’s car was broken into (in our driveway) last night. Charlotte is teething, and sleep has been even worse than usual, so we’re both way less equipped to deal with the extra stress than we normally would be.
Catch’s work iPad was in the car, and of course they are expecting that we will pay for the replacement. Fantastic. Her wallet was also in the car (total fluke—her wallet is NEVER in her car) so she’s now without a driver’s license, debit card, credit cards, etc. Everything is below the deductible on our homeowner’s insurance, so there’s no point in filing a claim. And although Catch can show the police EXACTLY where her iPad is (less than a mile from our house) they can’t do a damn thing about it.
We have no idea how much it’s going to cost to deal with the wildlife in the attic, but it’s done some obvious damage, so there will be expenses on top of just getting the damn thing out of there.
Also, our computer died last week, so it’s presently sitting in the Apple Store having its logic board replaced—which we wouldn’t have done right this minute if we had known that all hell was going to break loose in the meantime.
So, we are totally broke. Beyond broke. Goodbye Christmas.
Pre-kid, we had some money to throw around. These things wouldn’t have been fun, but they wouldn’t have caused me to totally freak out, either. Childcare expenses are just insane. And we have a bargain basement nanny (she’s essentially family)! She costs what day care would cost, which is why we could have a nanny to begin with.
And my wife. Man, do I love her. She is the rock of our household. She works so, so hard. She’s the first one up, and she’s out of the house by 6:15 every morning. She has a crazy commute in crazy traffic, and she normally handles it all just fine, but lately life has just pushed her over the edge and she’s not handling it particularly well.
Something’s gotta give. We need a break. And a nap. If life could just slow down, that would be really great.