The Pump

A few months ago, I reduced my pumping schedule from 3 times a day to once a day. Around the same time, Charlotte switched from taking 3 bottles while I’m away to taking two (they’re small—only 4 ounces—more of a comfort thing, I think). Over time (and as my supply has decreased), her bottles have become half regular milk and half breastmilk.

I really want to stop pumping altogether, so I’ve been trying to get her to drink plain milk but she has flat out refused. She spits it right out.

On Monday when I got home, Charlotte was wandering around the house sucking on an empty bottle. My mom said she’d finished it and just kept going. I thought she might want a bit more, so I added two ounces of whole milk just to see what she’d do. She drank every last drop of it.

I decided to experiment yesterday. I gave the nanny one plain milk bottle and one 50/50 bottle. The nanny gave her the plain milk bottle before her nap, and she drank half of it. She doesn’t really NEED these bottles, so half was fine with me. As long as it gives her that bit of comfort she’s looking for before her nap, everyone is happy.

We decided to try it again today, and I just got a text message from the nanny that she drank the entire plain milk bottle this morning.

This means the end is in sight. I can stop pumping. I was starting to think the day was never going to come!

I have been chasing the day I can toss my pump out the window for months, so someone please explain to me why I feel so utterly sad about it all of a sudden.

No more breastmilk bottles. No more pumping. No more freezer stash.

I’m still nursing her. It’s not like this is the end of breastfeeding (YET). It’s just that when I leave her those bottles every morning, it feels like I’m leaving her a little piece of myself. Like I’m there with her even though I’m not.

I really need to get over this though, because no more pumping. NO PUMP PARTS TO WASH EVERY NIGHT OMG PINCH ME IS THIS REAL.


4 thoughts on “The Pump

  1. “I have been chasing the day I can toss my pump out the window for months, so someone please explain to me why I feel so utterly sad about it all of a sudden.”

    Man, I know those feels. I was SO ready to stomp pumping, but as the time got closer and closer, I got really sad about it. Once I was finally done, tho, I got over it quickly and was in fact really glad to be done with it. (Stopped pumping at about 11.5 months, still nursing at almost 15 months.)

  2. I have a feeling when you toss that pump you will feel very liberated. It is yet another reminder though that your little baby is growing up, which is sad. It goes by too fast.

  3. I was a little sad when I stopped pumping, too. And sadder still when the frozen milk was gone. We grieve change, even when it’s good change. She’s growing up and that nursing relationship was hard won – those are things to feel a little sadness about. I think in a day or two, you’ll just be feeling excited, but feel the feels now!

  4. Sweet freedom! I felt a little sad at first, but then I realized how much time I got back. Then I realized how much of my brain I got back. It isn’t the pumping made me dumb, but these regular interruptions in my day made it hard to concentrate at times.

    The saddest day, however, was when the stash dried up. We were splitting his bottles 50/50 with whole milk and mama milk until the last frozen drop was gone. It’s been about three weeks, and some how we all survived.

    Currently still nursing just at night, but I sense that is coming to an end too. I might just lose it then.

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