I am so, so tired.
My mom was admitted to the hospital unexpectedly on Saturday. On Monday, she had surgery to remove fluid from around her heart—22 ounces of it and it’s still draining. They’re saying now that she might not go home until Friday, which just sucks.
I am my mother’s only child and she’s not married, so it’s just me keeping on top of her care. Charlotte can’t come to the hospital, so I’ve been trying to balance breastfeeding and hospital visits… not to mention work. It’s been rough.
Charlotte’s sleep is out of control horrible again so that’s not helping things, either.
Orlando has me all worked up, but I’m too tired to make sense of my feelings. We were supposed to take Charlotte to her first pride festival on Sunday, but we ended up not going because someone was arrested on their way to LA Pride with a car full of guns and explosives. After that, I just couldn’t do it. Not with my baby girl. And now I wonder if we’ll ever feel safe again.
And then a two-year-old is dragged away by an alligator and for some reason, I cannot get it out of my head. The weight of it is just sitting there in my heart making me want to cry. I’m probably overly sensitive to it because I’m already on edge, but man… I just can’t imagine being those poor parents. (Parents who are undoubtedly being ripped apart by the internet as I type this, because the internet seems to have nothing better to do than shame other parents.)
My in-laws will be here tomorrow to help us tear apart our back yard, and the timing is positively the worst because I don’t have time for a) more people in my house or b) yard work. Not to mention that sharing my daughter isn’t high on my list considering how little time I get to be with her lately.
I will be back at some point to talk about how the experience with my mom in the hospital has me giving more serious consideration to having a second child. Because honestly, for the first time in my life being an only child is really sucking right now.