On Sunday, I was changing Charlotte’s diaper and she was doing her usual leg-flailing, butt wiggling, feet in mouth antics when suddenly she started to cry. It was a big, sad cry with big, sad tears. Why? Because she bit her own damn toe.
Two hours later, Catch is changing her diaper and I walked into the room in time to hear Catch say, “No baby, don’t do that!” just as Charlotte starts to cry the big sad cry with big sad tears again. This time, she had grabbed hold of her cheek / lower eyelid and yanked so hard that she actually ripped the skin in the outer corner of her eye causing it to bleed. (Just a tiny bit, but still—blood in my child’s eye. FUN.)
I could write about a thousand more moments like these, except usually it’s ME, she’s brutalizing. The first thing she does when I pick her up is reach her arms around my neck… it sounds sweet, right? Like a mama hug? Except it’s not. What she’s really doing is reaching out for the little hairs that stick out in the back beneath my ponytail so she can yank on them as hard as she possibly can.
And then there’s the nursing antics. When I’m nursing her, it’s all I can do to keep her hands out of my nose and mouth. She especially likes to reach her fingers inside my mouth and then GRAB whatever skin she can and dig her tiny baby fingernails in. She will also claw at my forehead or eyebrows if she somehow manages to miss both my mouth and my nose as she’s reaching out. I have had a really painful scab inside my right nostril for several days now courtesy of her explorations of my nose.
My mom told me the other day that I need to start keeping a log of her self-inflicted injuries in case someone calls Child Protective Services. I’m not even remotely worried about CPS, but what I AM wondering is if there’s such a thing as Mama Protective Services.
I really feel like there’s a market for MPS. They arrive in a ghostbuster-ish wagon and they’re totally stocked up on bandages, concealer, ice packs, wine and magic nap pods in both adult and child sizes.
Am I right?