40 + 1

Time to return this baby to the library because she is overdue!

Here’s a crazy visual for you. 

20 weeks…

  
40 weeks… 

  
Joking aside, when I woke up still pregnant this morning, I burst into tears. Again. 

I truly admire the people out there who have a zen-like approach to their baby’s arrival. I am clearly not one of those people. 

Here’s how 40 weeks is feeling:

CRAPPY. 

Need more detail than that? Fine. 

Aside from the obvious discomfort of having a watermelon pressing down on (and kicking, punching, etc) my internal nerves and organs, I have developed a few really fun new pregnancy symptoms. 

1) I have not been able to hear out of my right ear for about 5 days. It’s all just pressure and ringing. I went to urgent care the other day hoping it was an ear infection and they could actually do something about it, but no such luck. I was told its sinus-related and should clear up after I have the baby. It sucks. 

2) Hormones are making me the most miserable person on earth. If I’m not crying, I’m angry. If I’m not angry, I am painfully anxious. Those are the 3 speeds I’ve been operating on for several days now. I have no motivation whatsoever. I’m not interested in doing anything. All I want to do is hide and sleep the days away. 

Catch has to go back to work in a few weeks, and I feel like there’s this tremendous pressure to have this baby NOW so she has more time to be home with us. She’s not saying anything, of course, but I know she’s disappointed that we’re spending all this time sitting around waiting. We really both believed we’d have a baby by now. 

Likewise, I am feeling guilty about taking maternity leave when I did. I feel like every day I don’t have a baby is now just a wasted day. These 4 months will be gone in the blink of an eye, and the point was not supposed to be for me to spend them balled up in bed. 

I truly can’t handle it if one more person opens their mouth to me about how first babies are always late. It’s been non-stop all week, and I am about two seconds from strangling someone. Normally, I’d laugh it off, but you can see that I am clearly just not in a “laugh it off” kind of mood at the moment. 

I know I need to try to snap myself out of feeling like this. I have no control over anything that’s happening, and the best thing I could possibly do right now is just accept things and be happy that sometime in the next two weeks, we’ll have a baby. Honestly though, anxiety is getting the better of me. It’s probably totally irrational, but every extra day she stays put just feels like one more chance for something to go wrong in there. A few days ago, someone on the July due date message boards lost her baby the day before he was due. That terrifies me. We have already lost baby girl’s twin. I really just need my baby. On the outside. Anytime now. 

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44 thoughts on “40 + 1

    • We haven’t discussed what will happen next just yet. I see a midwife tomorrow because my OB is unavailable, so we’ll see what she says. Our hospital is incredibly progressive. The doula who taught our birth class told us they won’t induce before 42 weeks without a damn good medical reason, but I have yet to confirm that. The idea that they could make me wait until 42 weeks makes my skin crawl! Maybe I could understand it if she was conceived spontaneously, but we know exactly how long she’s been in there!

      • Lol. For the moment, I’m just hoping my water will break because they’ll induce if your water breaks with no other labor signs. I think that’s my best chance! If I’m still pregnant in 2 weeks, this kid is grounded for life.

      • I was in awful labor the night of 38w6d-that’s why they sent me home instead of helping it along. We were just hours shy of 39 weeks. The nurses were heartbroken for me. Luckily when we came back at 2 am, 39 weeks, I had dilated enough. But man. Hospitals and their rules!

      • Yikes, 42 weeks is extreme, that’s like the max it normally is for the placenta to stay functional enough to keep the fetus growing at the rate it should (which is why they normally induce at that date).

        Do women in your family normally deliver late? I’ve heard it can run in families.

      • I heard the same thing, so I was really hopeful because my mom delivered me a week early. Then two of my aunts chimed in that my cousins were a week+ late. Bubble burst!

  1. Even knowing that the average length of pregnancy is closer to 41 than 40 weeks I, too was in tears and very disappointed when my due date came and baby wasn’t here. I’m so sorry everything is feeling so hard right now. I hope she follows Darwin’s path and doesn’t make you wait any longer!

  2. Lots of support and encouragement. Make a list of treats and have one each day ~ ice cream cone out, movie date, date to drink smoothie or coffee (the small size, decaf with ice and real cream) or what ever your special drink is. Waiting is as tingling and exciting and frustrating and worrisome as can be… Sleep really is good. Good wishes and support are flowing your way. Hope you are progressing inside and the next steps are smooth and easily done.

    • Thank you! We are actually going to treat ourselves to a mid-day movie tomorrow. Hopefully there won’t be too many opportunities left for things like that!

      • Great plan! Maybe add something high stakes and expensive so baby girl can interrupt it in true your-life-is-not-your-own fashion? Clem was born at 41w6d and I had a hard back-at-work deadline, so I especially get where Catch is now. Sympathy to both of you.

      • No, we did that a month ago and I have no desire to do it again in the next 5 years! Unless I win the lottery. Then maybe I’d reconsider. 🙂

  3. reading this make me feel terrible, as I put my own mother through the exact same thing. sending you lots of good, baby-birthing thoughts! c’mon, little one! moms want to meet you!

  4. Hugs. I know how hard those last few weeks are. I promise that once she’s here you’ll have pregnancy amnesia and not remember just how miserable you are.
    Are you considering induction at any point in time?

    • I would induce in a heartbeat at this point, but our hospital won’t do it without strong medical indication before 42 weeks. At the rate I’m going, if I am still pregnant in 2 weeks, I will probably be giving birth in prison! I see a midwife tomorrow, so we’ll see what they say.

  5. Have you tried any of the home remedies to envoke labour? You can slap me if the answer is yes because I’m sure you are also sick of being asked. I don’t imagine the hormone fluctuations and uncomfortable body are fun to deal with. I’m thinking of you and sending good vibes to baby so she knows it’s time for her arrival.

    • We’ve been trying some of the things that seem most plausible. I am not touching castor oil with a ten foot pole, though! So far, bouncing on my ball, walking and swimming seem to be the only things that feel like they could work (at some point). I’m headed back to the pool shortly with my fingers crossed!

  6. Ack! I’m sorry you’re so uncomfortable. I didn’t make it to 42 weeks but when Joey was taken, I was measuring 41 weeks. I feel your pain. 😦

    If I could be the silver lining fairy? At least you still get to pursue your ideal birth path! 🙂 If she had been breech, she may have been here already, but you would’ve had a c-section. Take the good with the bad, love.

    My hospital wouldn’t induce either before 42 weeks. That’s pretty standard. It stinks that it also applies to those who’ve had IUI/IVF, though. 😦 My midwife said that new research may show that inducing before then increases risks of breathing problems because baby literally isn’t ready? Sounded like a crock of shit to me but oh well. It made me feel better a little later. :/

    I understand your anxiety. And your fears. And your discomfort. I think about the best thing about my c-section was knowing the date. You’ll make it. You will! And don’t push too too hard for induction. I tried and every doc (and my own research showed) that inducing before 42 weeks means higher chance that baby isn’t ready, labor won’t go well, and it’ll end up an emergency C anyway. 😦

    Hang in there. Baby girl is on her way soon, I hope! Sending contraction-y vibes your way!

    • I really do want to avoid being induced if I can. It sounds like such a simple solution, but I do know the risks and I would be so mad if induction lead to an emergency C. Hopefully this little one will figure things out and get the show on the road soon!

  7. Hugs. I hope she’s coming, and soon. I have no experience here, but a lot if empathy. I’ve heard got pressure points (pedi?) And walking can help, but I’m sure you’ve heard it all before. Thinking of you!

    • Catch has been all over the pressure points in my feet! So far it does absolutely nothing labor-wise, but I get foot rubs out of the deal so I’m not complaining! She did, however, try to scare the baby out of me by jumping out at me and yelling as I was walking out of the bathroom. It’s the one and only time I have ever hit her. It was a reflex, but I can’t help but think she deserved it!

  8. I randomly loss hearing in one of my ears too, back around 18-20 weeks or so. It’s never fully come back. Various trips to a few different doctors resulted in no good explanation and complete lack of successful treatment. I’ve given up on seeking any other treatment until after delivery, but I can’t say I haven’t hoped that it’s somehow pregnancy related and will clear up on its own after he comes.

  9. I want to add: you can see if your doctor will induce for mental health reasons, if you feel the anxiety of being pregnant still is too much. Mental health is as important as physical health.

  10. Oh goodness do I remember those days! My heart goes out to you. I really, really, REALLY hope she comes soon. Tonight. Tonight would be good! Sending you positive energy. ❤

  11. I’m right there with you and feeling your pain! I’m 40+5 today and seriously considering doing a home c-section. Lol! Only joking. But this baby needs to come out, ASAP. My hospital has the same rule but they won’t induce before 41+6 without a medical reason, which means that they will happily induce at exactly 42 weeks. I also have an appointment tomorrow and I’m going to try to push for an earlier date. Good luck with your appointment lovely!

  12. Hoping she comes soon!
    (I can *so* remember being in the position you’re in now. It sucks but it will be over soon and you’ll be snuggling in all sorts of newborn goodness.)

  13. Oh friend, i feel terrible! I can just imagine how uncomfortable you are, considering that I am uncomfortable in this 90+ degree weather, and I’m not even showing!!! i hope this lady makes her debut like now! I’m sending “water breaking” juju your way, and hoping to hear from you soon that little miss is finally making some moves…

  14. C’mon baby girl! Do your mommy a BIG favor and come out to see the world! You’ve got two awesome moms and two super cool fur siblings and a whole internet full of people excited to meet you. So, there’s just really no reason to wait any longer. K? Thanks! 🙂

  15. Gus was 5 days late and those were the worst days of my life. I feel for you. Just my two cents: keep staying away from the castor oil and the like. Babies that come when they are ready are strong, healthy babies. That’s what i repeated in those five days- and the word fuck a lot.

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