Time to return this baby to the library because she is overdue!
Here’s a crazy visual for you.
I truly admire the people out there who have a zen-like approach to their baby’s arrival. I am clearly not one of those people.
Here’s how 40 weeks is feeling:
Need more detail than that? Fine.
Aside from the obvious discomfort of having a watermelon pressing down on (and kicking, punching, etc) my internal nerves and organs, I have developed a few really fun new pregnancy symptoms.
1) I have not been able to hear out of my right ear for about 5 days. It’s all just pressure and ringing. I went to urgent care the other day hoping it was an ear infection and they could actually do something about it, but no such luck. I was told its sinus-related and should clear up after I have the baby. It sucks.
2) Hormones are making me the most miserable person on earth. If I’m not crying, I’m angry. If I’m not angry, I am painfully anxious. Those are the 3 speeds I’ve been operating on for several days now. I have no motivation whatsoever. I’m not interested in doing anything. All I want to do is hide and sleep the days away.
Catch has to go back to work in a few weeks, and I feel like there’s this tremendous pressure to have this baby NOW so she has more time to be home with us. She’s not saying anything, of course, but I know she’s disappointed that we’re spending all this time sitting around waiting. We really both believed we’d have a baby by now.
Likewise, I am feeling guilty about taking maternity leave when I did. I feel like every day I don’t have a baby is now just a wasted day. These 4 months will be gone in the blink of an eye, and the point was not supposed to be for me to spend them balled up in bed.
I truly can’t handle it if one more person opens their mouth to me about how first babies are always late. It’s been non-stop all week, and I am about two seconds from strangling someone. Normally, I’d laugh it off, but you can see that I am clearly just not in a “laugh it off” kind of mood at the moment.
I know I need to try to snap myself out of feeling like this. I have no control over anything that’s happening, and the best thing I could possibly do right now is just accept things and be happy that sometime in the next two weeks, we’ll have a baby. Honestly though, anxiety is getting the better of me. It’s probably totally irrational, but every extra day she stays put just feels like one more chance for something to go wrong in there. A few days ago, someone on the July due date message boards lost her baby the day before he was due. That terrifies me. We have already lost baby girl’s twin. I really just need my baby. On the outside. Anytime now.