A Reality Check

I always imagined that I’d be one of those perfectly happy pregnant women skipping through fields of daisies, following every pregnancy guideline to a T, and planning the ultimate natural birth experience.

eye roll

The reality is that there is no way in hell I can skip, unless you count my reasonably fast-paced waddle to the bathroom as skipping. There is also no way in hell I can consume the proper amount of ANYTHING throughout the day. Not enough protein. Not enough vegetables. BARELY enough water. Finally, I am too freaking busy to even sign up for the series of birth classes the hospital recommends, let alone give any time to hypnobirthing or anything else. It will be a miracle if I have ANY idea what’s happening to my body at any given stage of labor, and considering my lack of any sort of tolerance for the searing pelvic pain I’ve been having, it appears that I will likely be crying for an epidural before I’m even out of the car.

Bubble: Burst.

And you know what? I’m okay with that. I really am. I have spent months trying to convince myself that I like being pregnant, but I actually DESPISE it. The only thing pregnancy really had going for it (besides the baby at the end, which is the whole point and which I will NEVER ever complain about) were the adorable baby wiggles and thumps, but now that she’s nuzzled herself sideways as tight and low into my pelvis as she can possibly get, even her movement is uncomfortable. These days, she likes to tuck herself against my hip bones and then STRETCH as hard and as far as she possibly can in a move that gives me some understanding of what it’s like to be a walnut in a nutcracker, only in reverse.

This morning, I was annoyed by her hiccups. Seriously. Mother of the year right here folks. I’m telling you.

At this point, I am one week from closing escrow on our new house, two weeks from having the keys in hand, and (hopefully) eight weeks from holding our baby girl in my arms. Pregnancy sucks and childbirth will likely be pure chaos, but life is really pretty good. I am miserable, but also so excited and happy. All I can do now is hand things over to the universe. I have no control over anything (including the hemorrhoids that I was gifted last night) and I need to just sit back (gently, and possibly on a pillow) and go with the flow. (Even if the flow has no free time, too much to do, and can’t keep its eyes open past 8:30 pm.)


12 thoughts on “A Reality Check

  1. So I think it’s great that you are letting yourself admit that pregnancy isn’t all you dreamed of and isn’t a walk on the park! It’s a major pet peeve of mine that people feel expected to love pregnancy after infertility, whether self imposed or through societal pressure. That said, I hope the remaining weeks aren’t unbearably comfortable for you.

  2. You’re not selling me on ever getting pregnant again 😉 I thought I would love being pregnant too, and although I had a pretty easy pregnancy (minus all that high risk and bedrest stuff) and I still didn’t love it. But then…..when he was a few months old I caught myself saying oh yeah I totally want to do that again, until I read your post haha.

    • I keep saying that there is no way I am ever doing this again, and everyone keeps telling me that I’m going to forget all about it and start wanting another at some point. I just hope someone has the decency to knock me unconscious until that urge passes!

  3. Oh dear. Is that what I have to look forward to in the third trimester? Lol. I can’t believe that the countdown is on to baby girl’s arrival! The last couple of weeks are supposedly horridly uncomfortable. I hope that you’re comfortably settled in your new home before that happens!

  4. I think I’ve mentioned before how much I *didn’t* love pregnancy, especially my last one, I assume because my body was a decade older than when I’d done it before, and it just wasn’t as easy on my old, aching bones. 😉 Totally okay to love your baby but hate pregnancy! All of the changes, the discomforts ( so many !!!) and hormonal changes are crap. You’ll feel SO MUCH better once Little Miss comes out and joins us Earthside.

  5. i love your humor through it all. I already know when I’m pregers.. for baby 2 that i will most likely not enjoy it. i’ve never wanted to “carry” I just want the baby lol. It’s hard to admit. You got this!!! soon little one will be here and you’ll be settling into a new home. so so very exciting!

  6. Friend, i can’t help but feel like i’m going to echo these sentiments in a few short months…some women LOVE being pregnant, and others, well, they pretty much hate it! It’s great that your being honest about it tho. If you weren’t, you’d probably hate it even more! Just look at it this way, the more uncomfortable you get, the bigger she is, and the sooner she comes out and meets everyone! Hoping that you start getting a little more comfortable and before you know it! She’ll be here! Hugs to you and Catch

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