I want to thank all of you for jumping to my defense yesterday. I read every single one of your comments, but I feel like my response to all of you would be exactly the same, so I’m just going to write it here:
- THANK YOU.
- It’s good to see that I have some clue (no matter how vague) as to what’s coming in 9-ish weeks.
We have settled the house guest issue. It wasn’t without tears and a bit of door slamming and yelling (we NEVER fight like that EVER—it sucks big time), but it’s settled. Even though I got my way (I hate to even put it like that), I still feel like crap about it because I know Catch is disappointed and hurt. I know she’s coming from a place of wanting to share her joy and excitement with the people she loves the most, and it’s really hard to swoop in and burst that bubble.
She pointed out last night that her support network is far away and it’s hard on her, which I totally understand. I wish I could change it. I wish her parents hadn’t moved hours away, and I wish her sister was closer, but I can’t fix any of that. It’s especially lousy because my own mom is just an arm’s reach away, and her closeness often highlights the opposite for Catch.
I wish there was a way to manage this situation so that everyone could be content, but there really isn’t. Bringing a new baby into the world is fraught with complications and feelings. When you’re dealing with a tiny little being that is SO wanted and waited for and loved by so many people, it’s hard to disengage from the feelings to focus on the facts.
In this case, the fact is that I am a very private person. I was not raised with a sister like Catch, or a half dozen sisters like her mother, and I’m not used to sharing personal things with people the way they are. I know I will barely be comfortable sharing postpartum things with my own mother. Catch is really the only person I am totally comfortable with, and I expect that I will need her to be my refuge during those fragile days.
Hell, I still haven’t forgiven one of Catch’s aunts for cutting the birthday/graduation cake at the party I threw for Catch when she got her Master’s degree. My house, my party, my cake to cut. I can only imagine how that’s going to translate when I give birth to this baby. It’s really in everyone’s best interest if we keep the visits short, sweet, and free of parenting intervention.
Between the two of us, we have two moms, two grandmothers, and 8 local aunts who are all going to want a piece of this baby action. (Not to mention the cousins…) All I could really offer to Catch last night is that we’ll figure it out as we go along. And that I love her. Because I do. She is my rock, and I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else by my side. She is an amazing wife, and I guarantee that her mothering abilities will put mine to shame. We just need to take this one step (and one visitor) at a time.