OK, I haven’t wanted to write about this, but it’s bugging the crap out of me and I need to get it off my chest.
Many months ago, my sister in law told Catch that she wanted to throw us a baby shower. It was very sweet of her. So SIL would cover Catch’s side of the family, and then my mom wanted to throw us a shower that would cover my side of the family. We both have fairly large families and when you add in family friends and our own friends, it’s much more manageable to have separate showers.
So, guest lists are decided and invitations are ordered. The invitations for the shower my mom is throwing include both of our names. Please join us for a baby shower honoring Molly & Catch.
The invitations for the shower my SIL is throwing include Catch’s name only. Please join us for a baby shower honoring Catch.
I was hurt. My immediate reaction was something along the lines of, “Oh, don’t mind me… I’m just the one cooking the baby. No big deal.”
Now, I understand that the very idea of a couple of lesbians having a baby together implies to some that tradition has gone out the window. It seems that when you remove a penis from the babymaking equation, all bets are off. And I get how it can confuse people. I do. This lesbian thing is not for everyone.
SIL wanted to throw a shower for her sister. Totally understandable. I guess I just assumed (and you know what they say about assumptions) that perhaps I was equally important in this particular equation. Much like my SIL probably assumed that these would be hers/hers baby showers rather than joint ones, I suppose. I don’t know. I guess maybe the politics of a lesbian baby shower are more complicated than I thought?
I am trying very hard to get over my hurt feelings because it’s bothering Catch that I’m upset and I don’t want that. It’s not worth it. We got into a sort of emotionally-overwrought fight about it, but we agreed in the end that the baby shower is not about either one of us—it’s about our baby girl. It’s not as if Catch and I don’t know that we’re equal partners in this. That should be enough. But try telling that to the overtired, overly hormonal pregnant woman with the aching hips, heartburn, and tear ducts that are operating on high alert.