Just give me the prescription pad and nobody gets hurt…

I determined today that if I am going to mentally survive pregnancy, at least one of the following two things must happen:

  1. I need to be knocked into a drug-induced happy place until July
  2. I need to be allowed to stay home with my feet up all day just knitting and enjoying baby movement and not thinking about things like housing, daycare, work, maternity leave, savings account balances, the health of our baby, glass vs plastic bottles, cloth diapers, etc.

You know what I did at 2 o’clock this morning? I ordered a Doppler. I am almost 22 weeks pregnant. I have made it this far without one of those damn things, but at 2 am, it felt like the only thing in the world that was going to make me feel better about the fact that I hadn’t felt little miss GROUNDED FOR LIFE FROM BIRTH move since I left for work yesterday morning. (Usually, I feel her more often than I don’t.)

Pay Pal should really come with some kind of a 2 am shopping spree security feature. I guarantee that if I’d had to name the countries in Africa in reverse alphabetical order before I clicked the “Complete Purchase” button, I probably would have fallen asleep halfway through and I would be free of this ridiculous buyer’s remorse today.

WHO ORDERS A DOPPLER MORE THAN HALFWAY THROUGH PREGNANCY????

I do. Apparently.

And guess what happened 20 minutes after I clicked that damn Complete Purchase button? Little miss ALL PRIVILEGES REVOKED UNTIL ADULTHOOD did a flip and went right back to kicking. She’s pretty much been at it ever since.

You guys, I was doing SO GREAT with my new found positivity for two whole weeks before that damn accident on Monday. I was registering for baby things like a fiend. I wasn’t using the word “if.” I was thinking about what to wear to our baby showers. I was excited. And then BAM. (Literally.) All that positivity turned into massive anxiety in the momentary turn of my head during rush hour.

I am hoping that since little miss NEVER GETTING A PONY FOR HER BIRTHDAY EVER is back to her usual antics, I will calm the hell down (and not freak out like this the next time she pulls the same stunt). In the meantime, Google “anxiety in pregnancy” and you will find a picture of me browsing fetal Dopplers by the light of my cell phone at 2 am.

26 thoughts on “Just give me the prescription pad and nobody gets hurt…

  1. It’s not quite in the same realm, but Jen just bought a $5 app to let us hear the baby’s heartbeat using her phone… The day before we found out I have an anterior placenta.

  2. This is hilarious. She just may talk you into that pony someday! You made me nervous thinking that I wasn’t feeling Glitter that much today either! Now my mind is playing tricks on me. You can always sell the Doppler! Also, are you up in the middle of the night a lot? I’m exhausted and nauseous all the time from lack of sleep. Last night I ate four blood oranges at 3am while you were online shopping!!

    • Oh my gosh, yes. 3 am is my prime insomnia time. I get up to pee and then I’m awake until 5 or so. It’s making me nuts! I was so exhausted by last weekend that I took a unisom on Fri & Sat nights while we were at my in laws’ house. It did the trick & I slept like a brick! I don’t want to take it all the time, but at least I can add it to my arsenal occasionally.

      • It sucks 😦 Glad I’m not the only one though. This week I’m under so much stress I’ve taken half a unisom every night. My doctor said it’s absolutely safe but I still feel guilty. I’ve also been having these vivid anxiety dreams. Anyway… I hope you get some sleep tonight!

      • Don’t feel guilty about taking the unisom! It’s probably worse for the baby for you to be sleep deprived and miserable than it is to take a pill at bedtime. The primary reason I haven’t wanted to take it more regularly is just that I know I’ll build up a tolerance to it and it won’t work as well. But hell, I took a half a unisom every night from week 7 to week 16. I really hope things calm down for you. Anxiety dreams are harsh. I was having them last week and I kept waking up in a total panic.

  3. At least you still have a good sense of humor. I giggled out loud the entire time I read this. I bet she gets ungrounded the second you lay eyes on her. Lots of love and prayers for calm nerves coming your way!

  4. Fuck it, enjoy the shit out of that doppler lol!!! My babies did that to me too, they wouldn’t move and I would do everything to try and get them to then when I was seconds away from rushing to the ER they’d flip around like crazy people. Already difficult. ❤

    • I just have to keep reminding myself that this child has half of my DNA and I am the most stubborn person on the planet! If she is even half as bad as I am, it’s probably good that I start getting used to it now!

  5. teehee! I vivdly remember a ‘ohmygodhehasntmovedinanhour’ moment at around 36 weeks. Lots of heart dropping terror, almost an emergency hospital trip and then acrobatics. I think the worry during pregnancy is preparing you for the ‘ohmygodhesawfullystill-ishestillbreathing-betterjustpokehimandsee’ moments that you’ll have after the birth.

  6. I’m sorry you are struggling, but I so appreciated a laugh as I read this! I suspect you are going to have a hard time explaining to her one day why she is grounded for life, but you can deal with that then 🙂
    Also, I think the doppler is a great idea and I so hope it helps calm your nerves and helps bring you back to a more zen place. Love to you.

    • Thank you! For some reason, I was thinking about Rapunzel on my way to work this morning and it occurred to me that locking her in a tower isn’t such a bad idea. That witch may have been onto something. 😉

  7. Pingback: The Doppler | Hound Mamas

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