I determined today that if I am going to mentally survive pregnancy, at least one of the following two things must happen:
- I need to be knocked into a drug-induced happy place until July
- I need to be allowed to stay home with my feet up all day just knitting and enjoying baby movement and not thinking about things like housing, daycare, work, maternity leave, savings account balances, the health of our baby, glass vs plastic bottles, cloth diapers, etc.
You know what I did at 2 o’clock this morning? I ordered a Doppler. I am almost 22 weeks pregnant. I have made it this far without one of those damn things, but at 2 am, it felt like the only thing in the world that was going to make me feel better about the fact that I hadn’t felt little miss GROUNDED FOR LIFE FROM BIRTH move since I left for work yesterday morning. (Usually, I feel her more often than I don’t.)
Pay Pal should really come with some kind of a 2 am shopping spree security feature. I guarantee that if I’d had to name the countries in Africa in reverse alphabetical order before I clicked the “Complete Purchase” button, I probably would have fallen asleep halfway through and I would be free of this ridiculous buyer’s remorse today.
WHO ORDERS A DOPPLER MORE THAN HALFWAY THROUGH PREGNANCY????
I do. Apparently.
And guess what happened 20 minutes after I clicked that damn Complete Purchase button? Little miss ALL PRIVILEGES REVOKED UNTIL ADULTHOOD did a flip and went right back to kicking. She’s pretty much been at it ever since.
You guys, I was doing SO GREAT with my new found positivity for two whole weeks before that damn accident on Monday. I was registering for baby things like a fiend. I wasn’t using the word “if.” I was thinking about what to wear to our baby showers. I was excited. And then BAM. (Literally.) All that positivity turned into massive anxiety in the momentary turn of my head during rush hour.
I am hoping that since little miss NEVER GETTING A PONY FOR HER BIRTHDAY EVER is back to her usual antics, I will calm the hell down (and not freak out like this the next time she pulls the same stunt). In the meantime, Google “anxiety in pregnancy” and you will find a picture of me browsing fetal Dopplers by the light of my cell phone at 2 am.