Thanks to the increased nausea, I really haven’t been too worried about today’s ultrasound… Until about 2:30 this morning, when I woke up and convinced myself that it was going to be a repeat of last week and Christmas would be ruined and I would never ever recover.

Cut to 9:30 this morning, as I was sitting with a paper gown draped over my bare lower half while my upper half was on the verge of throwing up. It wasn’t clear whether it was just the usual nausea or nerves. Most likely both. Lately I get extra pukey anytime my body gets tense—be it nerves or just because I’m cold.

Finally, we got to hear what I’ve been waiting for all week. A beautiful heartbeat. Suddenly, it felt like I could breathe again for the first time in days. I exhaled so heavily that my doctor even said, “You can breathe now.”

I am 9 weeks 5 days today and our little holiday miracle was measuring exactly 10 weeks with a galloping heart rate of 180.


We had a sort of soft graduation from the clinic. I still have one more round of blood work to complete just after New Year’s before we are officially done, but this was our last real visit with my RE. I honestly had a hard time letting go of her when I hugged her goodbye. We have been through so much with her since January. Walking away from her felt like letting go of my (really expensive) security blanket.  I wish I could keep her forever.

Speaking of blankets, as we were paying the billing ladies on our way out, we had some confusion. Our total is usually 4-something for the ultrasound and blood tests, but today, they wanted $600. When we asked why, they said that the nurse had circled that the ultrasound was for two babies, which they charge extra for. My RE did stop to check on B and make sure everything still looked as it should (considering), so I told them OK and they went ahead and processed our payment. Then they said that since we’re “graduating” they have a little gift for us, and pulled out two little bags with two little baby blankets. One of them said, “When the babies are born, there’s a little card in there to fill out and mail back to us.”

Umm. Cue the awkwardness.

When we explained that we had actually lost one of the babies last week, they just about fell over apologizing to us. Suddenly, we were lost in a blur of voided credit card transactions, apologies, and promises that they would, “have a talk with that nurse.” They charged us for a normal ultrasound and sent us on our way with more apologies and well wishes. We were really okay with it all. Misunderstandings do happen, and it wasn’t the end of the world. It was just really awkward. I have a hard enough time telling myself that we lost a baby—and it’s only been a week.  It’s still pretty hard to say out loud.

In the end, Catch and I walked out together, holding on to each other and our ultrasound pictures. She asked me if I’m okay, and I told her that I’m happy, but that I also feel like I’m going to cry and throw up. Something tells me she’s going to have to get used to that combination.


16 thoughts on “180

  1. I am thrilled to hear that your little one is doing well. And, I’m so impressed that you were able to keep your cool and handle such an uncomfortable situation with so much grace and understanding. You are a women of incredible strength and never cease to amaze me.

    • You are way too kind. You just haven’t seen me on a bad day! I once lost my cool on the cable company so badly that they guy was practically begging me to stop cursing at him. At any given moment, you pretty much have a 50/50 chance of meeting the angry redheaded maniac. 🙂

    • I know! It’s kind of crazy. It just amazes me how it looks more like a baby every time. From blob to sea monkey to gummy bear… I love it! It’s so fascinating having these early scans because you see so much change.

    • It does seem like they should have some kind of system in place, but I really can’t complain. This is the first time anyone there has ever screwed up on anything related to me. They really are pretty great. I count my blessings that they were in this with us.

  2. That’s quite a heartbeat! Woohoo!

    definitely an awkward situation, but kinda cool that you got a present. I wouldn’t want to be in the room when that nurse is being talked to. Such a huge screw up.

    I hope the nausea doesn’t kick up too bad today so you can enjoy this moment of a strong heartbeat.

  3. Baby A is a beautiful miracle! And Baby B is a beautiful angel. I’m so happy for you. Hope the morning sickness subsides soon. Congratulations, you have a gorgeous little spark who is growing fast!

  4. 180!!! That’s so great! Baby A(wesome) is doing it’s thing and looking more like a tiny human everyday. Thanks for sharing the pics of your scan..i love seeing these…makes my day better…Good for the RE’s office to credit you back..at first i was all like, “How effing insensitive! How dare they!?!?” but if they didn’t know that’s a whole different story…sorry you had to go through that…

  5. Awesome! I’m so happy for you Baby A is looking so fantastic! And I too am very impressed with how you handled the situation with the nurses. It always boggles my mind how some people don’t bother double-checking a chart before asking a sensitive question, or in your case giving you a present, albeit a very sweet gesture.

  6. Aww such a good looking gummy bear. ❤ I'm sorry about the confusion with the the billing and unawareness of the staff situations like that are always awkward and hard to deal with .

  7. Yay – Baby A is okay 😀 The dread I had before my ultrasounds was very high after my MC’s so I understand your trepidation. I also get the feeling of not wanting to let go of your lovely (albeit costly) RE – I’m the same with ours. He must’ve felt the same lol as he insisted on monitoring me (at no additional cost!) till my last thyroid function test (last week) at 13.5w – whereas they usually release you after a successful dating scan at 6-7wks. We LOVE him! Kia kaha (sending you strength) in relation to your loss of Baby B xx

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