I’m really struggling with finding my place right now. I don’t feel like I belong in Club Pregnancy, and I also feel like a bit of a fraud hanging out in Club Infertility. I’m not really sure where that leaves me. All I know is that I’m just going to keep writing my blog the way I always have. Everything is changing—and fast—but I am still just me.
That said, I bought a pregnancy book specific to multiples because most of the usual pregnancy book suspects gloss over multiples with a single page about how you’ll see your doctor more often. My book arrived a couple of days ago and every time I see the cover from across the room I have a mini panic attack. I read a few pages of the introduction last night, and it’s really not sinking in that this book is not leisure reading for the sake of curiosity. This book is my life for the next 30-ish weeks. Multiples! Me! How did this happen? (Don’t answer that.)
Side note: I was on a multiples message board asking for book recommendations, and many people recommended this particular book, When You’re Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads. One woman said that when she was pregnant with her twins and feeling exceptionally lousy, she would read some of the things that pertain to quads and it would instantly make her feel better. I like her perspective.
Also on the multiples front, I have some advice to offer: When you find out you are pregnant with twins, refrain from googling twin pregnancy belly shots. Some of them seriously defy gravity. Like there is no way that woman should be standing upright. She should have fallen over onto her face. It’s terrifying.
I’m still feeling pretty lousy overall. It’s mostly the nausea that’s setting me back. I’m two days into the Unisom + B6 trick though, and it does seem like it’s helping. It’s not perfect, but it’s a little bit better. Yesterday afternoon was rough, but I recovered by dinner time and only felt really sick again at bedtime when I got cold. So far, today hasn’t been too bad. It sure beats the constant misery of the last week.
Almost as bad as the nausea is the injection site(s) of the progesterone in oil. On Wednesday, I had to stop in to have my nurse take a look at it because I had a swollen lump on my back the size of my fist that felt like a thousand burning needles were trying to burst forth from it. Unfortunately, I’ve been informed that this reaction is par for the course after 3 weeks of daily injections, and that I have at least another couple of weeks to go. I walked out of the office, sat in my car and cried. Today, the lump is smaller, and the pain is a bit less, but I’m also dealing with numbness and itching. I have said it a thousand times, but I don’t think I truly believed it until now: PROGESTERONE IS EVIL.
I know that 75% of you reading this are probably cursing me for freaking out about twins and complaining about nausea, and I am truly sorry. It’s not that I am not beyond grateful to be here right now. I am. I may not be able to wrap my head around it just yet, but I know the excitement is coming. I do not take one moment of this pregnancy for granted. I’m just working through an entirely new set of fears, and it’s caught me pretty off guard. My head needs some time to catch up with my heart, because my heart is totally enamored with these two little parasitic monsters.