Duck, Duck, Goose

I am having a tremendous amount of work-related anxiety and stress—we’re talking sleepless nights, daily headaches, heart palpitations, neck pain and tears. It’s worse than IVF and that’s saying something. I have no idea what I’m going to do about all of it, but something’s gotta give before our embryo transfer next month because I won’t go through that when I already feel like this.

To make matters worse, my iPhone keeps autocorrecting the word “fuck” to “duck.” Sometimes you just need to vent to your wife via text, and you do not need Apple trying to make it PG.

Also, I had an extremely vivid and real dream last night that I was pregnant. We all know how much fun those are.

All of that is a very long way of saying that today really sucks. I am coping with the suckage by obsessively listening to my Harry Potter audiobooks and knitting with a vengeance.



Over the weekend, I cast on for the Hitchhiker scarf/shawlette with some beautiful variegated turquoise wool yarn that my mother in law brought me from their Route 66 road trip last year. I don’t have the label anymore for some reason, but I remember that it was hand dyed in Taos, NM.  I already love this scarf so much.  I have no idea how I’ll part with it, but I have to because I can’t wear wool.  I know–what kind of knitter can’t wear wool?  This kind, apparently.

Unfortunately, I cannot knit OR listen to Harry Potter at work, so who wants to help me with my resume?

38 thoughts on “Duck, Duck, Goose

    • Thank you so much for the offer! I may take you up on it once I have something better put together. Just getting a first impression from someone who is not a) my wife, b) my mom or c) my best friend would be immensely helpful. At the moment, I’m still trying to sort through my 14 year, 5 job title history with my current employer. Ugh.

      • Well the offer stands. . . I actually really enjoy stuff like that! Finding a new job can be as terrifying as it is necessary. . . Especially when you’ve been in the same place for a long time

  1. What a beautiful scarf! I’m jealous. I tried to learn crocheting, but am on a break right now. I’m sorry that your job is sucking so much. 😦 I’ve been there. I hope things get better soon!

  2. Android does that too, also ducks is what it thinks “sucks” is too. I can’t even PG swear on it. 😦

    I hear you on the work being stressful stuff. I spent the day at work fixing various nitpicky style issues in the code I wrote. So I don’t really have anything to show for it, but well-commented code, which doesn’t do anything it didn’t do last Friday. I did this because my groups lead developer was having fits because there were problems with his code and someone wasn’t happy with him. He’s a nice enough guy, just very loud when management doesn’t handle him with kid gloves. So I spent half my morning looking into issues he said he fixed.

  3. I admire your knittery skills. My mom tried to teach me and I ended up lobbing the needle at her head. Barely missed her eye.

    You can’t listen to audio books at work with headphones on? WHAT KIND OF HELL IS THIS.

    • Hah. I probably would have been the same way if my mom had taught me. When I was a teenager, I threw my mom’s mother’s day present at her head. It was a book. Not one of my finer moments.

      Technically, I am ALLOWED to listen to audiobooks at work, but I spend most of my day writing (I work in marketing) and I can’t pay attention to a book and write at the same time. I have trouble even listening to music while writing. I’m a horrible awful terrible multitasker.

      • Ah I’m the same way! I need as much silence as possible when I’m concentrating on words. I am fine with other stuff, but forming coherent sentences requires quiet time.

  4. You just need to program a shorthand for fuck on your phone, or use it so frequently that your phone assumes that fuck is the word you’re looking for rather than things like “funk”, or “fun” or “duck” or “suck”. I love the scarf! I will need to start knitting again soon. My skills are very beginner though, so it’s difficult for me to pick patterns. I am also happy to help with your resume, if you would like some additional help. I hope the anxiety subsides soon. I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. I have been there, and it’s awful.

    • I sat there last night and typed fuck 30+ times in a text message to make it perfectly clear to my phone that I AM THE BOSS and I will swear when I want to. I think it gets it now. Thank you so much for the offer of resume help. You guys are all awesome.

  5. Harry Potter, crocheting, and mindless games on my phone are my stress relievers too. And I hate how my iPhone autocorrects fuck to duck. The ducking worst!

    I know those job feels. Deciding to leave is just about as stressful as the reason you want to leave in the first place. Here’s hoping for some peace and relief from the current stress.

  6. The new update will actually NOT autocorrect those things, so that’s exciting! And crocheting/knitting helps me out too. It’s actually pretty funny when I’m sitting there in my baggy jeans, button down shirt, and backwards cap on the train crocheting. You’d be surprised the looks I get! Like seriously, you’ve never seen a butch lesbian crocheting! What the fuck! (No autocorrect! Lol!) Anyways, I hope the anxiety subsides a little bit…I know work can always be a huge stressor…but keep that Harry handy and it’ll all figure itself out…if not you can always practice your Avada Kedavra charge on the whole damn company!

    • Unfortunately, I updated my iphone last week, so it was definitely screwing with me post-update. I think I fixed it though. Last night, I typed “fuck” in a text message about 30 times. It seems to have learned now that I actually mean it and not duck. I love that you crochet! I tried to teach myself to crochet a few years ago, but I got frustrated and gave up. One day I will try again. And on HP–ironically, I have a HP wand on my desk at work. Someday, I will use it…

  7. I’m right there with you, I seriously hate when my iPhone corrects my swear words. Sometimes we just need to get it all out and swear! I wish I could knit, I’ve tried it a few times and failed each. Perhaps I’m not coordinated enough! Good luck with your resume, I’ve used several times. I’m guessing it’s not the best software out there, but it has some nifty formatting features to make it look all pretty!

  8. Now I know where to go for resume review… I see a few volunteers! Ha what about fukc.. still doesn’t have the same appeal as fuck tho. Annoying auto correct!

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