Go, Spot. Really–GO.

So, we have a presently unknown number of little embryos growing in a lab right now. I would love more than anything in the world to just snatch them up and magic them into my uterus, but for various reasons no one else seems to be on board with that idea. As a result, I found myself (once again) in the stirrups this morning spending some quality time with the dildocam.

The result?

There is definitely something in my uterus. Something small—soooo small—but as my doctor put it, it’s sitting in the exact spot where she wants to place our embryos as if it’s a target.

The plan is to move forward with a hysteroscopy once I start my next cycle and scrape that little fucker out. Pardon my language, but I am not in a place where I really give a damn if I sound like a sailor at the moment.

After Spot is removed (I’ve decided to call him Spot), it’s back to my FAVORITE thing ever…

MORE FUCKING BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.

Yay!

Then, we’ll start an FET cycle.

The kicker… and this is a really good one… is that ALL OF THIS CAN BE OURS FOR THE BARGAIN PRICE OF ONLY SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS!

I was holding it all together remarkably well up until that point, but it turns out that being handed paperwork informing you that you cannot have YOUR embryos—that are sitting RIGHT OVER THERE (somewhere)—put into YOUR uterus until/unless you come up with six thousand more dollars on top of the $25,000 you have already spent—well, it turns out that that’s just my breaking point.

And break, I did. Right in the middle of the courtyard outside the doctor’s office as people sat on the patio of the café sipping their iced tea and wondering whether they should call the police.

We are going to figure it out. We always figure it out somehow. It honestly could have been worse, except that the amazingly wonderful woman in the financial office spent thirty minutes making phone calls to the powers that be to get the surgery discounted from $4,000 to $2,500. She was so sweet—repeatedly asking me if I’m okay and just being so genuine and nice.

That’s the trouble right now. I want so much to BLAME someone for this setback. I want to point a finger and say THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT and then walk out and slam a door so hard that it bounces back open and I get to slam it again. There’s just no one to blame.

My doctor was amazing today. If you’re in need of an RE in the LA area, I will gladly share her information because she is wonderful. I am so sensitive when it comes to doctors, and she is the perfect mix of analytical and compassionate. She hugged me as she left the room today. I’ve never been hugged by a doctor before, and it absolutely shocked me how welcome that hug was. It made me feel like she’s in this just as much as we are. She also made it perfectly clear that it’s killing her not to be able to do a fresh transfer because in her words, I have been the model patient. I didn’t hyperstimulate, my lining is absolutely perfect, and other than Spot, everything is JUST RIGHT. She reiterated that Spot is so tiny that most doctors would probably go right ahead and take a chance on the transfer, but she just has a gut feeling that we need to deal with this. I trust her gut.

Lest you think that I am not grateful for what we DO have right now, I assure you that we know how blessed we are. Up until this ($6,000) speed bump, everything has worked. My ovaries worked hard but not too hard. The egg retrieval was successful, and two days later, I feel pretty damn good. We have 9 fertilized eggs in a lab mustering all their strength to multiply their little cells. We are both healthy, and our marriage is stronger than it has ever been.

This is not the end of the world. The door is not locked, it’s just closed for a few months.

And the best part? WINE. I am going home tonight, putting all of the hormones and needles back into the hormone and needle cupboard, and pouring myself a GIANT glass of guilt-free wine.

Happy weekend, everyone. I will drink a glass of wine in your honor. Red or white? Let me know.

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17 thoughts on “Go, Spot. Really–GO.

  1. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. ❤ I'm glad that you have options and you can see the good that lies ahead. I wish I had something magical to say to make things better, or a magic money tree, but I don't. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way! Have some red for me! ❤

  2. Red. Definitely red. But seriously, that is a lot to take in…even when your hormones are all over the map. Did they say why it’s $6000? That seems like quite a bit to have outside the IVF cost.
    Smart of you to deal with Spot. Even though the delay is frustrating, if you had transferred and gotten pregnant you’d totally obsess over what it was and would it impact your pregnancy. TTC makes you neurotic, pregnancy makes you insane. (And I was only pregnant for 10 weeks!)

    Good luck with the logistics and enjoy your time off the crazy train. 🙂

    • Thank you!

      We’re looking at $2500 for the hysteroscopy and anesthesia and then $3500 for the FET cycle. It all adds up so quickly! It’s really insane. All I can do is hope that this will really be the end of it.

  3. F’n Spot! I’m sorry to hear how expensive this tiny little a-hole is going to be too remove!! (let alone the having to wait) big hugs to you! Have a glass of whatever you like and I’ll have one in your honour too. I’m happy to hear your relationship is as strong as ever. That makes a huge difference. Enjoy your wine! Xx

  4. Red please. Ummmm, if your cycle turned into a FET because it was deemed a medical necessity to postpone (and remove Mr. Spot) why the hell are you forced to pay so much more? I clearly do not get the system in the US. If we freeze-all (which is being recommended right now), we don’t pay for our FET because it’s considered the transfer we paid for with our IVF. Obviously a few other things are different (tests being covered, etc) as we are in Canada, but still… I think that is BS.

    • It’s total BS. I was honestly pretty shocked that the FET wouldn’t be at least partially covered by the initial IVF fees, but they consider it a separate cycle to the tune of $3,500. It’s all so frustrating–especially when you’re already dealing with crazy hormones.

  5. Do you have insurance that will cover the hysteroscopy? I was so glad mine was covered. The cost of IVF is so scary and fluctuates depending on if anything “pops up”, as you’re experiencing. This is awful and stressful and not what you need right now. Hug.

    • Unfortunately, my insurance won’t cover a damn thing. Spot is not large enough to be considered medically necessary, and even if he was, I’d have to start all over with new doctors within my new HMO’s structure. When we started all of this back in January, I did have a PPO that would have covered the hysteroscopy, which is perhaps the most painful part of all of this. The insurance system just sucks. It’s all so frustrating!

  6. I can’t believe how expensive all this is in the USA. I’ve worked in travel insurance claims and have seen some crazy medical bills in my time. But $25k + $6k is insane!

    Here’s me complaining that a full cycle costs $8k in Australia and we get 5 back from Medicare.

    I don’t blame you for losing it.

    • The $25k also includes 4 rounds of double IUI and our donor sperm, so it’s not all IVF, but still… Pretty crazy. Some people are lucky enough to have fertility coverage in the states, but I am unfortunately not one of those lucky people. It’s amazing how the costs add up.

  7. Oh man! Make mine a cold Pinot Gris please. So is it $6000 after the discount is applied? Nice woman to help get the price dropped but it always makes me wonder how legitimate the costs are if they can knock $1500 off just like that! Bastards. Out damn spot!

    • Yes, the 6k is after the discount. Insane, right? They were able to do the discount because we’re paying cash and they don’t have to deal with insurance companies and reimbursement and such. Plus they’ve made quite a bit of money off of us already! I believe the $1500 came out of the fees for the surgical center. Regardless… Ouch!

  8. It’s always something isn’t it?! Wish I had a ton of extra money to send your way! But it is probably best to take care of it because after spending all that money, the last thing u want is , we’ll, u know! So let’s toast (a Chardonnay please) to those future little babies! :hugs:

  9. Uhhh! It’s not just the extra costs that suck. It’s the delay too. Sorry you’re going through this. I know how you feel. You put down this big chunk and pay for your meds and you think you’re good to go but then more shit hits the fan.
    Btw, I’m in LA too.

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