Mr. Scale

Confession: I have gained 3 pounds in the past 6 weeks. Honestly, I expected it to be worse. My stomach feels larger than it was 6 weeks ago and my face is rounder. It doesn’t seem like a measly 3 pounds could have made such a big physical difference, but there it is. 6 weeks ago, I couldn’t wear the maxi skirt I wore to work yesterday without a safety pin, but yesterday I required no safety pin. Again—3 pounds? Hmmm.

I would love nothing more than to point to clomid and follistim and birth control pills and progesterone and declare, “THOSE EVIL BASTARDS ARE MAKING ME FAT!” except that the reality is that I had ice cream for dinner on Wednesday night. I cooked a wonderful, healthy meal for us, but was nauseous and didn’t feel like eating until several hours later when Catch asked if I could get us ice cream. Suddenly, HELLO APPETITE. Zucchini & tomatoes were a no go, but I wasn’t about to turn down rocky road. Excellent.

So, here I am 5 days from our first real IVF appointment and I am up 3 pounds, haven’t stepped on a treadmill in weeks, and I’m eating ice cream for dinner.

Houston, we have a problem. I will call the problem burnout.

All those months ago (November!) when I started working out like a fiend and dieting like a boss, I had the clearest picture in my head: it’s going to work. And in January when I surpassed the goal my RE had given me and she was so impressed saying that her patents never actually lose the weight she recommends, I was floating on a cloud. It’s totally going to work. I earned this. I am a rock star.

And then—well, three strikes, you’re out. It didn’t work. I am anything but a rock star.

So, yes—I’ve been feeling defeated. It’s also been hotter than hell and we don’t have central air conditioning. Not the greatest environment for the treadmill. Plus, we’ve been traveling and crazy busy and all of these things combined lead us right back to ice cream for dinner. Although points for me that we didn’t already have ice cream in the house and I had to actually go get our scoops. I guess that’s something.

This is all my very lengthy way of saying that I need to put an end to this behavior. Now. Last week. Whatever. So far, I’m doing better. I avoided my mother’s cheese and bacon laden tomato pie last night, opting instead to roast myself some veggies and make a turkey patty. Progress.

I started taking the Glucophage XR last night. (They are giant horse pills that taste like snot. Yay!)  I will not allow myself to take drugs for insulin resistance while continuing to count rocky road as a nutritious alternative to zucchini. I may feel like crap, but damnit, I am going to eat my vegetables and we are going to do this.

Again.

sigh

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3 thoughts on “Mr. Scale

  1. Stop beating yourself up! Right now, you give your body whatever it wants. If all you can eat is ice cream, eat it until you find an alternative. I suggest seeing about some organic fruit, which I’ve been eating like a fiend lately. lol But one night the only thing I could eat were tater tots. That’s it. So I ate them and enjoyed it because it was something. I also haven’t done an ounce of exercise because I’ve been too tired and undernourished. The energy comes back later and you can ease back into it. Until then, rest. Three months of just resting and eating anything that stays down will not hurt you or the baby.

    And remember, you are going to bloat like crazy for the first few months at least. That’s the bulk of the size change, not the three pounds. Those are nothing. Recently the bloat finally receded and my pants are too big. That will change now that the uterus is definitely getting bigger. But I was thinking, I’ll need new clothes very soon! I was wrong. lol

    Please be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Your body is going through a roller coaster that won’t make sense and is illogical. Just let it roll. 😉

  2. My eating patterns are all out of wack too. I’m not hungry at all in the mornings, but starving at like 9-10pm. That’s very unlike me. My guess is the 3 lbs isn’t that much of a difference, it’s the bloating/ It can make 1 lb feel like 10. Give yourself a break. Your body is going through a lot.

  3. Be kind to yourself. When I had to go on break I kind of threw out all my good diet habits and exercise. I need to get back on the 30 day shred train.

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