Tread Lightly

Catch told me today that if I don’t find a way to chill the eff out, we are going to have to cancel/delay this IVF cycle. She is right, of course. I need to get a handle on myself.

I woke up to spotting yesterday morning. An email to my nurse alleviated my concern. She said it’s normal on birth control and that it’s probably just my body adjusting. The spotting is continuing today, and even though I know what my nurse said, it’s still bothering me.

Also, last night between work and home as I sat in rush hour traffic, I got my first full-fledged migraine in years. Light sensitivity, crazy nausea and radiating pain—all while trying to safely get my ass home. I was barely able to mumble a few sentences at Catch before I collapsed into the cool, dark bedroom and did not move from my spot for the rest of the night.

My anxiety over our water damage situation is through the roof. My parents aren’t helping with their constant barrage of, “you need to…” “you have to…” “why haven’t you…” Once I awakened from my migraine-induced fog last night, I tossed and turned for hours stressing about everything and then stressing even more because I was stressing and I am supposed to be stress-free right now.

It’s not working, obviously.

After a brief meltdown on the phone with Catch a little while ago because a house that would have been absolutely perfect is no longer available, I am trying to put everything into perspective. This is not the end of the world. None of it is. We will be absolutely fine no matter what course of action we take over the coming weeks. The best thing I can do right now is go about business as usual and wait for all of the puzzle pieces to fit together. No more forcing them.

I just downloaded the Circle + Bloom IVF & IUI program. I will start tonight. I will also get my ass back on the treadmill tonight (it has been waaaay too long) and spend some time in my garden. And cook dinner. And walk the pups. OK, maybe that’s a lot of things. We’ll see. I know I will feel better if I do all of them, but considering that I am running on very little accumulated sleep since Wednesday, maybe I need to lower the bar.

This potential baby is my number one priority right now. Of all of the things I’m worried about, it is the only thing that truly matters. The countdown is on. 7 more days of birth control pills and then the circus comes to town. In the meantime, I’ll just be over here building myself a mellow bubble with my Circle + Bloom and the Sarah McLachlan station on Pandora.


3 thoughts on “Tread Lightly

  1. The spotting is normal…Callie spotted too and it was totally fine. And ur right, the best thing u can do is try ur hardest to relax. Do the enjoyable stuff (take the dogs out and enjoy the walk also, and sit in the garden and well, vegetate! Lol). All that other stuff will get done eventually…just take it easy this week….

  2. Let me know how the circle-bloom is. As someone with anxiety that’s no longer medicated, I’m vaguely curious about it.

    Migraines are a bitch. I don’t know if this will help you, but I find taking a little extra magnesium helps me avoid them. I hope you start feeling better soon.

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