Thirty Three

Today is my birthday, but I’m not feeling very celebratory. Shit is going to hit the fan at work tomorrow and the combination of guilt, resentment and anxiety I feel over that paired with the sad/empty feeling I’ve had since our BFN is keeping me in quite the fog.

This isn’t what I thought 33 was going to be. It isn’t how I thought 33 was going to feel.

I know this is all temporary. I have so many people around me trying to make today special. There are emails and text messages galore, plus cards, flowers, and balloons. I so appreciate all of it, and I feel guilty for sitting here with this weight on my shoulders when everyone so clearly just wants to make me happy. It’s just that the happy has to come from within, and I don’t think I’ll be capable of it for a little while longer. All I can do is try my best and hope that they understand.

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6 thoughts on “Thirty Three

  1. Happy Birthday, dude. There’s so much pressure to be happy for your birthday (probably all of that “happy” birthday-ing you’re getting) – but listen, it’s YOUR birthday. It’s totally cool to take your time to wrap your head around everything and be ready to move forward. I hope your day goes just the way you want it to.

  2. I’m sorry to hear about the BFN 😦 I know I would have a hard time having a happy birthday if I had just found out. Just count your blessings, and remember that there’s still hope!

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