Today is my birthday, but I’m not feeling very celebratory. Shit is going to hit the fan at work tomorrow and the combination of guilt, resentment and anxiety I feel over that paired with the sad/empty feeling I’ve had since our BFN is keeping me in quite the fog.
This isn’t what I thought 33 was going to be. It isn’t how I thought 33 was going to feel.
I know this is all temporary. I have so many people around me trying to make today special. There are emails and text messages galore, plus cards, flowers, and balloons. I so appreciate all of it, and I feel guilty for sitting here with this weight on my shoulders when everyone so clearly just wants to make me happy. It’s just that the happy has to come from within, and I don’t think I’ll be capable of it for a little while longer. All I can do is try my best and hope that they understand.