No. Sleep. Til MONDAY!

That is the one and only Beastie Boys reference you'll ever see me make because actually? I hate them.

I’ve never been a good sleeper.  I was an awful infant.  My poor mother was dealing with a colicky baby and a deadbeat husband/father simultaneously.  She told me once that on a desperate, sleepless night as I was screaming and she was sobbing, she contemplated throwing me at the wall to shut me up.  Points to her for self-restraint, because I’m not sure what I would have done in her shoes.

As a teenager, I figured I was just a typical teen.  Stay up until all hours of the night and sleep in.  Very normal, except that I would spend over an hour tossing and turning in bed before I got to sleep no matter what time I finally crawled beneath the covers.

Enter adulthood—the tossing/turning/insomnia has gotten worse, with the added bonus of being totally unable to “sleep in” past 7 or 8.  Usually any sleep between 6 and 8 is lousy, anyway.

I’m also very particular about how I sleep.  It has to be DARK and it has to be QUIET.  All caps.  If the neighbor’s TV is too loud, or there are people standing by a car outside having a conversation, I flip out and anxiety sets in. Once the anxiety sets in, all bets are off.  I have purchased AT LEAST a half dozen alarm clocks in search of one with a dim enough face that I can tell the time but not notice the light when my eyes are closed.  (Thank you, Sony—it’s not stylish, but it does the trick.)

Point being, sleep is difficult enough for me without adding an additional obstacle.  That’s why we went out yesterday and bought another mattress—this time from Macy’s, from a salesman I forced to repeat the return policy to me at least 3 times. I stopped short of recording him, but I thought about it.  The buying experience was totally different the second time around as this associate clearly knew his mattresses, understood immediately what my problem was, and did everything he could to make us feel okay about having to pay for a new mattress twice.  Thank you, Macy’s.

Unfortunately, the new mattress won’t be delivered until Monday—a thought that makes me want to cry considering that I’ve had maybe 7 hours of sleep COMBINED since Sunday.  This is the sort of sleep schedule I would expect if I was uncomfortably pregnant or if we had an infant, but neither scenario applies THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR REMINDING ME, UNIVERSE.


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