I have a finishing problem.
If there was a 12-step program called Unfinished Projects Anonymous, it’s unlikely that I would EVER manage to secure my 30-day keychain.
I LOVE beginnings. Love them. Few things make me happier than starting a project.
The problem is the middle. I hate the middle more than I love the end result.
Our garage is filled to the brim with unfinished projects—hobbies I took up that were exciting for a while… until they weren’t. There are scrapbook supplies purchased so I could scrapbook with an ex friend that have not been touched since the ex was added before friend. We have an abundant supply of mason jars for a canning project that got more complicated than anticipated and was discarded rather than risking botulism. Shelf after shelf is filled with discarded remnants of problematic middles.
That is precisely where I am right now… a problematic middle.
There’s a reason why I tattooed the Gemini symbol on my back. My astrological sign suits me perfectly. Impatient. Hot/cold. All in one second, totally out the next. It is the sign of the twins because we are either happy or unhappy. The ultimate devil/angel scenario. There’s no middle. Middles are trouble.
I have lost steam on our TTC journey. I am tired of thinking about it. I’m sick of charting. Sometimes, I pee on a stick and forget to check the result. We are beyond the start, but not yet near the end. It’s the middle. We’re stuck smack dab in the damn middle.
I wish I could pretend I haven’t noticed. I wish I could muster the same enthusiasm every CD1 that I did for the first CD1. I wish running out for a box of OPKs still seemed worthy of my lunch hour.
The middle sucks.
This time, though, I have no choice but to see it through to the end. We won’t be adding a box of TTC paraphernalia to the garage shelves. That space belongs to the outgrown baby clothes. One way or another, this project will reach its end. It has to.
Besides, there are so many baby-related projects on Pinterest that are just DYING to be abandoned at the halfway mark and I can’t start those until I finish this. Excuse me—I think it’s time to go pee on a stick.