Thoughts on Letting Go

I’m presently on CD 36.

Thirty. Six.

Three six. 

I thought I had ovulated around CD 17/18, which means that I
should have started my period well before now. 
Now I’m just confused.

What I thought was going to be reasonably straightforward 6
months ago is turning out to be a bit more than I anticipated.  I take comfort in knowing that I am most
definitely not the first woman to have ever said that about trying to
conceive. 

I am trying not to be stressed because I know how
significantly stress can affect this process. 
Even so, no matter what I do to try to take my mind off of my cycle, it keeps
creeping back there in those (albeit rare) quiet moments.  My lunch break at work.  Every time I use the facilities.  As I’m attempting to fall asleep at night.  The “what if” thoughts slink in and bring the
anxiety with them. 

It does not help that this is an exceptionally stressful
time at work and we now have not one, but two sick dogs at home and are running
on less sleep than I’ve had since my early 20s. 

All I can do is try my hardest to let go of it all.

There is very, very little in this scenario that I can control.  I know in my heart that the best thing I can
do is throw my hands up and let it be. 

When I was a little girl, my grandma used to sit me next to
her at her organ and sing “Que Sera, Sera.” 

What will be, will be. 

This path to motherhood will be rocky, but I am fortunate to
have an amazing wife to steady me.  I
have an amazing mother who researches chakras, crystals and herbs even though
we’ve never entertained such ideas before in my life.

I don’t believe that Catch and I will ever have any more or
less than we are meant to have, and I know that whereever this journey takes
us, we will end up where we belong.

Que sera, sera.

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